One Man's Soul

this time around

2011-12-06T21:44:00.002+08:00

now that i am back here, i wonder if there is any reader at all for this blog of mine?
oh well, i abandoned it a while ago and now i have return. for long, i hope.

anyways, living the mundane life of a student, i do nothing but study, study, assignments, and datelines. nothing special.

nonetheless, as life play its role in the cycle. several bad news struck. still difficult for me to digest, but i know no one suffer more than anyone else but those involved. (i hope that makes sense)
what other way to comfort the other than to be just there. not to speak, not to blabber anything but just be there. as a friend, as a stranger. i wish that i am able to say more, to comfort more but things are beyond my control as the one involved is the one and only one to control all that's within.
all i can do. i wish and hope for the best and that time be quick enough to heal the wound within. let there be scar but at least a beautiful scar that carries thousands of beautiful memories to remember by. but not as an incident of regrets and sorrow.

and from there, my life continues from classes to the present holidays. all that had happened before, i let go. let everything be wipe out and start anew. it may be different every now and then but one thing for sure, the past is bygone.

i fear no more of rumours. i think no more of others' judgment. i feel no more of unnecessary emotions that swirl inside of me.

i wanna live life the way i want it to be. may not be to the fullest yet. but definitely the way i want it to be.
i wanna go for swimming classes, drum classes, join the gym, hangs out with my friends. the dearest of mine. so be it.

this is my life and this is how it's gonna be. :)

From Within

2011-10-09T01:51:00.002+08:00

the more conversation, the more misunderstanding. the more trust, the more lies i discover. the more hope, the more disappointment.
i am done talking. done explaining. done voicing out all my dissatisfaction or when i'm being upset.
because despite the many times of attempt, it always end up being useless.
never had i understand u, so why try so hard now?

Smasshiinng 21!~

2011-10-03T01:09:00.008+08:00

had a wonderful 21 celebration. was smacking delicious with the uber cute buttons cupcakes around and a total wonderland with all the decorations; cute lil' ribbons around the chairs, dreamy trees with butterflies and cute lil'' lollies trees. credits given to my sister, she made all this possible :)
could not thank my families and friends for the awesome celebration, amazing surprises and great gifts:)
grateful and blessed, could and would not ask for more.
i had a real good time,my 21 is truly special and memorable <3

*more pictures on fb;)*

Blackhole

2011-08-16T12:51:00.003+08:00

infidelity comes in various form- its not solely on physicality. sad but true, not all of us know that. it may seem harmless but its definitely not at times. trust; it's hard to earn in return once its broken. despite the many attempts, all attempts are just plain useless. 'there are no secrets between anyone'- this is utter bullshit. soulmate? not a believer. spending the rest of your life with someone? in my naive days, perhaps. past tense that was.

ignorance. silent treatment. mood swings. couldn't be bother, do whatever you like attitude. lies. that's when you know the he or she has lost the confidence, what more of trust. so stop trying so hard.

Journey down north

2011-08-11T00:59:00.002+08:00

2 months and 2 trips
both down north
different destination though
awesome trips they were
truly fun
my semester break was truly enjoyable and it's all thanks to peeps of the above :)
next up...all gear up for classes and assignments.
before heading to another awesome mawesome trip
looking forward to that :)

Lil' Shawn All Grown Up

2011-06-02T15:11:00.003+08:00

all grown up
still cheeky
as mischievous as ever
and still lovable ~ :)

Endless Love~

2011-06-02T00:26:00.002+08:00

(source:jamiecollyer.wordpress.com)

(source:lifestyle.malaysia.msn.com)

walked into a total stranger's life
and stories spill
while my ears were listening to her
my mind went on a trip
~~~~~~
thoughts and images come and go like a film in play
a mother's love knows no boundaries
a mother's sacrifice knows no limitations
a mother's worry knows no ending
aren't we too quick to judge
when we all thought she will be alright
just from her outlook
the tough, non-fragile look that she put up everyday

even your darkest day she would stand side-by-side
even the scariest moment in life
she would stood so high with all the courage
just to back u up
even the saddest second in life
when ur tears just could not stop flowing
you know that you could run to her and pour your heart out
despite all that we know
we took advantage and pledge ignorance towards what she feels or thinks
yet silence fills her mind
she complain nothing
whine about nothing

a mother's love indeed knows no boundaries
this is not written in occasion with mother's day
everyday shall be mother's day to all mums out there
and for this, this particular post
is for u
the iron lady at home :)
~~~~~

Rumor Has It- Adele

2011-06-01T17:26:00.001+08:00

Another awesome piece by Adele~
Huge thank u to Justin for recommending this song :)

Rolling in the Deep- Adele

2011-05-29T23:47:00.004+08:00

(source: youtube)

There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark,

Finally, I can see you crystal clear,
Go ahead and sell me out and a I'll lay your ship bare,
See how I'll leave with every piece of you,
Don't underestimate the things that I will do,

There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark,

The scars of your love remind me of us,
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all,
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,
I can't help feeling,

We could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
Rolling in the deep,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
You had my heart inside your hand,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
And you played it to the beat,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),

Baby, I have no story to be told,
But I've heard one on you and I'm gonna make your head burn,
Think of me in the depths of your despair,
Make a home down there as mine sure won't be shared,

The scars of your love remind me of us,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
I can't help feeling,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),

We could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
Rolling in the deep,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
You had my heart inside your hand,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),

And you played it to the beat,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),

Could have had it all,
Rolling in the deep,
You had my heart inside your hand,
But you played it with a beating,

Throw your soul through every open door,
Count your blessings to find what you look for,
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold,
You'll pay me back in kind and reap just what you've sown,

(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
We could have had it all,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
We could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
It all, it all, it all,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),

We could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
Rolling in the deep,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
You had my heart inside your hand,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
And you played it to the beat,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),

Could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
Rolling in the deep,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
You had my heart inside your hand,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),

But you played it,
You played it,
You played it,
You played it to the beat.
(source: metrolyrics.com)

Lyrics is heartbreaking alright but the rhythm and beat are just seexxaayy~
Nice one :)
P/S: try John Legend's take on it:D
til' then, chaoz~~

And its spell N.E.W

2011-05-29T01:07:00.005+08:00

dread no more. (yessss i WAS still dreading)
ponder no more; ponder why, ponder what, ponder how...it keeps on coming back but NO MORE.
its call Moving On. perhaps there were times when i still wonder and still try to figure out what happened. why it happened. how it happened. For now, it shall all go shhhooo shooo away;) This shall be a 'New' blog that contains New posts. New way of posting, new manner of self-expression (i hope. yikess!~) and yesss, lotsa new pics (now that I am constantly hanging around with G12- the new cam though its not a DSLR but ahhh, could not care much :) so here goes, one of the personal favs to start the new beginning with ;) enjoy~

halfheartedly

2011-05-17T18:28:00.003+08:00

I decided. I will not fight no more. Strive no more. Things would not be as it was. Determine, when the time comes, I'll move on.

abscence of mind

2011-05-14T02:03:00.002+08:00

some people give you warmth
some people give you courage
some give you the tenderness of love
some give you the support of a lifetime
some give you the all-time laughter
some bring tears of happiness
but what happens when all you do is receive and not give any?

tired of trying. tired of listening. tired of explaining. halfheartedly, bits by bits, my presence vanish.

Attempt #2: Confessions of a loser in the making

2011-04-30T21:50:00.003+08:00

assignments suck this semester. the easier it gets, the higher the expectation. this time, it sucks to the max. everything don't seem to go on smoothly. software expired, things left pending. urrrgghh!~ now i wish all these softwares are ready installed in order for me to finish my work.

nothing seems to be going on smoothly anyways. so easily given up on, that shows how much it is worth. guess i would just need to move on bit by bit.
assumed i could hold on but looks like i failed. what is the point anyway? didn't really matter since the beginning. don't make any difference. self comfort since the beginning. doubting here and there every now and then. don't seem to have a full stop to this, do we?
trap in the middle. uncertain of what i want.

those that they never told

2011-04-16T02:26:00.003+08:00

when you see things that brings a stab
do you close an eye
when you hear things that upsets u
do you turn on a deaf ear

machines we all are. an auto button that is set every now and then for adaptation purpose. so mechanical that Science might be able to explain the scene behind all these once in a while but at times, even Mr.Genius could not get an answer. one little step back from the present, a wider view.
magnificent creatures we all are. one minute, so close. the other, so close yet so far. the very next minute and the rest of the many days, so far away. emotions change every now and then.
witty ones we all are. able to set a distant line between the right and the wrong. funny how we still choose to create and acknowledge that very fine line between the good and the bad. and our stand shift.

they say there is no black and white in life. only grey.

sneak peek

2011-04-05T14:33:00.003+08:00

a couple of images that will be included in my next assignment. Digital storytelling it is. a video in the making. no idea what it is. no worries, stay tune and it will be posted up once its done ;)

clueless

2011-03-31T00:30:00.003+08:00

the usual self would always have ideas of what to come up with for assignments every now and then. this time around, inspiration is badly needed. been calling it for quite some time but it never did show up.
just like many other things. how sad it is ehh?
for the very first time, empty; that very brain of mine. that little box that once fill with a whole bunch of ideas is now nothing. a hollow beneath.
emptiness. that's what it is these days. thought i knew most of it but come to think of it, i am as clueless as a new born baby. so i thought the other party knew most of it too, but sometimes it's just real sad when you know that's not the truth. and from there, i move on- not even feeling anything.
yes, i am a cold, heartless bitch. i feel no anger. i feel no hatred. i feel no sadness. i feel no pain. and so a cold, heartless one i will continue to be. because that's what i am assume to be. so sue me.

a lifetime dilemma

2011-03-21T00:42:00.003+08:00

how can one really love and hate the other at the same time.
doubting myself over and over again.
never knew the right answer to any of my own doings.
how can one be so annoyed by the other.
how can one tries so hard to avoid the other over and over again.
how can grudges be in one's mind.
when all that was proclaimed was what they call love.
how can one be irritated by the very sound of the other.
could not even stand the sight of the other.
its' just a phase they say.
but what if it's not.
regrets is not the preferred path but what if that's the only choice left.
no one wants to put an ending to a story but what is there to do when its a dead end.
not all fairytale ends with a happy ending, does it?

First attempt : Confession of a pathetic inexpressive brat

2011-03-17T00:08:00.004+08:00

so unpredictable things are these days. lead life like there's no tomorrow they say.
true indeed.

classes started. acts of skipping classes are sure to be found. not exactly the best student around but there is a limit that i know of so scrape that off.
a little different this time around. first few weeks of classes ; i usually bring the clueless and absent minded me along. this time, still blur at times but at least i'm not clueless. so that's a good start for the semester, i suppose.
disasters in Japan is the current talk of the town. unpredictable, very unpredictable. so random that it makes people think and agree more on the whole ideology of living life to the fullest.
one minute you're enjoying the usual morning coffee, the very next you maybe lying on the floor; unconscious.
that might be me there. not being morbid, but that's the truth. i live the very moment of life know, blogging. will i survive the next moment - who knows?
anyways, skip that shall we?

death. tragedy. tears. lost. how much can one actually take in anyway?
i may not know how it truly feels but losing something so precious, that's definitely a heartache.
materials can be replaced but the thing that is truly valuable and irreplaceable is that very person. this i dare to say; i know, been there, still feeling the pain, trying to recover. there are still tears every now and then. hanging on i am. i did my mistakes, that i will admit. i'll brush off every single inch of ego that i have inside of me and say it out loud. i did mistakes, i admit em' and its taking a toll on me. nonetheless, as much as those tears makes me feel alright for a moment in time, i will no longer ponder about it. self comfort it is, but it's the price to pay.

devastated. disappointment. disagreement. anger. they are all numb now. expectations. hopes. they are no longer around. these days, things are so vague. that very stab through that i feel every now and then, i had never felt so real before until that day. would not push no more. would not ask no more. i don't even have the guts to demand, what more ask. would not hope no more because i'll always end up in a sigh. how can one actually love and hate another at the same time?
at this point, i don't even know what i want anymore nor do i know what i need anymore.

funny huh? the once super optimistic person is actually pouring all of these here. this might be the very last post (if anyone reads anyway). my very first attempt to be so personal here but heyy, since it's my blog and this might be the very last emo one, so why not?

to start anew i will. so the very next time, there might be a new link, maybe not. yess, i'm fickle minded when it comes to this so bear with me :)

gonna move on. focus focus focus. studies, assignments, things that i wanna do and learn, i shall do it, if time and money allow me to ;) *gotta be a little realistic under certain circumstances* i'll live life to the fullest. i'll lead life like there's no tomorrow; because life is just too short. so yup, that's it. till' then, chaoz :D

life's irony

2011-03-06T22:34:00.002+08:00

a photographer can capture the best moments of others
a painter can paint the most beautiful image of others
a singer can serenade the sweetest song to others
an actor can play the best roles of others
a poet can write the most wonderful poem about others
what about themselves?

don't dream it, be it.

2011-02-25T17:11:00.003+08:00

an open box. a pile of stuff. an act of reminiscing

a couple more days and it is the beginning of a new month. new semester commence. sucky and confusing timetable as usual. i'll live with that.
was a whirlwind before this. mistakes, i made them. i learned and still learning. not afraid to admit em' because it was indeed a mistake.
chinese new year came and go in a wink of an eye. excitement and thrills are all still fresh in my head at the moment. laughter and tears - they come and go just like the new year.
ponder about a couple things. loitering around in the very mind of mine. on and on, it repeat itself like a movie well played.
things that are not mine, i ask no more. things that looks like mine from the surface, i accept them with gratitude. others, i dare not and would not ask for more. for asking, i realized; brings nothing but devastation and disappointment to others and i would end up in guilt.

memories. so priceless, each and everyone of them. irreplaceable. and indeed it will be cherished at every moment. once in a while, that very special box will be open. even the tiniest bit of memory will be looked at over and over again. i miss em' and i'm glad i did.

En' route of life

2011-02-11T22:56:00.004+08:00

William Shakespeare was and still is indeed a genius.
A little morbid at times but enough to make a heart melt.
And he once quoted "any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex- it takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction"~
Unfortunately not all of us would grasp the whole idea and actually practice it.
Easier said than done indeed.
Excuses, we all make them.
A route to escape from reality.

Materials are all we are.
Kings and Queens of superficial we are.
So caught up in the world of blings that we lost the very warmth of human touch.
Time waits for no man.
A gap that will never be fill up.
A distance that could never be pull closer.
So caught up in the real world of me and only me.
We all lost the tenderness of mankind.

What difference does it make?
Ten years is a little too long.
A year itself is sufficient enough to tell the nature of a man.
They say we all stand together as one.
Perhaps it's true.
Sadly, in my case, it's not.

While Michael Jackson's song 'You Are Not Alone" plays at the very ear of mine.
Turned my head around and I see
Alas, I'm a loner.
It's still a one man's world.

drrrooolllssss~~

2011-02-09T17:25:00.000+08:00

yess i live for them

by them
because of them
what can you ask for other than the ever delicious food all over!!~
~~~~~~

all these were taken from the trip to Japan
lotsa lotsa pictures from the trip
so we'll start from the food
since its the easiest and most captivating
on top of that, lesser pics to download ;)

Caution : They will make you drooooooooooooooolllll~~~~

*****************************************************************************

This is taken on the airplane on our way back
May look like a simple meal
But they taste real good

This gigantic gyoza was eaten at a famous Chinese restaurant
Yesss Chinese, not Japanese
At Ginza, nearby the hotel that we stayed

This is how you usually order your food there
Go to this machine here
Choose your food, pay and food will be serve in no time ;)

wahhlaa!~ this is errr...some dried ramen that sis ordered

ahhh, this..the simple ramen
the one that has the meat, egg and a couple of dumplings with it
yummmyyy yum yum this one !~

dumpling dumpling...
Japan sttyyle!~ ;)

Close-up on the ramen earlier

Fruuiiitts~

stir fried bean sprouts or what we call 'taugeh'
with minced meat
this is super delicious together with a plain porridge itself
so you can imagine it by itself ;)
This we had in Harajuku at a famous gyoza place behind the streets

cakes!! one of my personal favourite
this is specially baked by sis's friend, Kok Leong bro who studied bakery there
mann, even by looking a it
i'm missing the taste already

see this guy here

this is made by him
tako-yaki!
this if I'm not mistaken
Is found at Nippon-ri
but i might be wrong so gotta check up on it

ini soba, served with tempura
soba is only served during summer
because it's cold noodles, so winter takda

mini sandwiches
u can find this almost in every 7-11 or coffee shops there
best as breakfast or supper ;)

jelly drink from Disneyland
cost a bomb this one here
and bro finish all up with just one slurp!

salty vanilla ice-cream
also from Disneyland
sis was super happy because it came with a heartshape case
pink on top of that! --"

lunch at Disneyland
spaghetti, pizza,..u name it

Harajuku is where u can find this
creamy thick strawberry ice-cream
that has Hello Kitty waffles and flakes together

Also at Harajuku, behind the streets
Beside the famous gyoza place
we had our lunch
~~~
fried prawns with mayo

nasi goreng indonesia...i think ;p

here we call it cheng teng mee
this is the Japanese version

pan-fried gyoza

steam gyoza
both at the famous gyoza place in Harajuku
and its no wonder that they are famous
because it was reeeaalll good
we couldn't stop ordering
even went back there the next day to had another round :D

another personal favourite
cold noodles mix with all the ingredients that u can see

chicken katsu don
see the beans at the bottom right corner
super yummy...i couldn't stop eating that
and mum loves this soo much
that we went back to the restaurant 3 times

errr...this is some soy bean sauce meat, egg and rice
again, the beeeeaannnss!~
this was all from the restaurant nearby the subway station at Ginza
that's where we stayed, hence the reason why we can go there as much as we wanted to

the collection that was suppose to be brought back
had the whole set of the Starbucks
but there wasn't enough space for them
so had to leave them there
every 7-11 there sells Starbucks in that package
and they have different flavors too
and I wish, we have them here

waffles!!
nice but super expensive

this is an example of our supper there
practically every night we have our supper there
Three 7-11 stores were right in front of our hotel
so how can we miss the chance of eating different stuff everyday
and the things that they sell
fuuhh..i tell you
from sandwiches, to salads
to noodles set, to rice set, sushi, jelly
whatever it is, you name it
you'll have it

How can this be forgotten
McDonald's ~~
Above : Chicken sandwich burger (we don't have it here)
and their McFlurry
Left: Oreo
Right : Strawberry (don't have it here as well)

Again, Frrruuuiitts!
the grapes taste like champagne
mum was devastated when she could not bring them back

ahh this...shabu shabu
gotta try this

the eat-all-u-can beef and pork meat

two type of soup
clear ones
and the sweet sauce some sort

various type of sauces to dip the meat with
meat that were cook at the sweet sauce soup and dip in the raw egg were...
IIREESSISSTIIBBBLLEE!!~
this restaurant is at Ginza too.
but I have no idea the exact place
it's called Nabezo so keep an eye on the signboards hung on the lookout ;)

The very first meal we had in Japan
the one where we went in super early
shop wasn't open but we weren't aware..loL!~
chicken curry katsu don..and this was like a meal of greeting from Japan :D

Pork and minced meat some sort rice
this was delicious too :)
this was the first sign that we found
Japanese food there
may look simple but they are super delicious
trust me on that ;D

beverages that were served on the airplane
traditional Japanese beer and white wine

welcome to Japan!~ i suppose
food served on the airplane itself is...one word
YYUUMMY~
******************************************
even by posting itself
I am drooling all over
makes me feel all hungry all over again
food was amazing there
mann, now I want to go back there again.
till' then
chaoz :)

a little different this time...

2011-02-09T15:57:00.002+08:00

everyone was dressed at their best. the long awaited time to mark the beginning of a new year. the anxiety. butterflies in the stomach, busy busy day ahead on the eve itself. when the day arrives, nothing was looked forward to except for the presence of family members from near and far. and when the clock strikes 8 and you know that it's dinnertime, you were all smiles and nothing but excitement.

but how could excitement last when it wasn't a whole. the circle that was once a complete one has now become one that has holes in between. the space that were left there just like that, the gap that were created among one another. how could a new year ever be awesome with the absence of your loved ones. family warmth, togetherness was one of the main purpose of the day. but what is the meaning of something when it goes missing?

those that were once mine, disappear this time around. those that is not seen coming, appear altogether. a little different this time...routines all turn around, surprises appear now and then.
how would next year be?

It's that time again!!! :D

2011-02-03T00:01:00.002+08:00

and the clock strikes midnight, marking the very first day of the long awaited Chinese New Year!!!
awesome awesome!!! best part of the day is not the red packets, not the ba kuas (though i did pester mum a lot on getting them), the oranges, the constant loaded yee sang..but highlight of the festival is the warmth among everyone. the laughter, the non-stop nonsensical jokes cracked and the fact that everyone took the effort to come all the way back wherever they are. though this year is a little different from each year, reunion dinner is just as much fun :) simple dinner but staring at everyone and seeing them laugh, simplicity is the best.

big big day tomorrow!! and i can hear all the fireworks out there...makes me even more eager to see all the firecrackers all put out on the 9th day:) last year was awesome, wonder if this year it would be the same *fingers crossed* ahhh..how can i miss out on the purpose of the season.. FOOOD!!~ ba kuaass, yeeee saanng, oranges, cooooookkiiieesss!!! :D mannn....merely just thoughts and i'm already droooliing!
darn!! being sick on such days is soo potong...no cold drinks, no this, no that...cheh. i shall redeem all these once i'm well :)

ooo pai nien!! translate : house visiting!! yeay!! whatever it is...it's that time again!!! so GONG XI FA CAI to all of u out there! Have an awesome pawesome year fill with abundance of magnificent stuff and all bad stuff bub bye! :) Waabbitt year shall be a year of HUAT for y'all!!
Gong Xi Gong Xi!!
till' then, Chaoz!~

Movie Mania

2011-01-18T17:15:00.006+08:00

romance
comedy
thriller
horror
action
drama
whatever genre it is
these movies are to watch
can't wait can't wait
and this is just the first round ;)

backbones of mine

2011-01-18T15:36:00.006+08:00

a wise man once told me. whatever that one does, it must be of clear conscience to yourself.
one tough woman taught me the very stability a woman shall possess no matter what.
the epitome of feminine spoke these very words; a lady should embrace what they have and who they are.
a little bonkers (in a good way) young man that i know said this- being ambitious pushes one to the limit they thought they would never reach.
they are namely dad, mum, sis and bro.

life is hard. tough roads lay right in front. even tougher ones to come.
there are times when in silence, my mind drifts away. times when shattered pieces of me scattered around. no one or anything is to be blame, because this is part and parcel of life. mistakes- i make them and i learn. when all things fail and i need a little breather, all the above and many more are the mantra that i hold on to. when all things fail and i am damaged at best, they are the one that i run to for comfort and strength. so when N'SYNC sung the song 'God must have spent a little more time on you', no one fits the picture best except for them.
life is short. time flies. no one could predict what comes next so yeah, they are my everything.
thus, i shall stand up and look forward. let the past be bygones.

p/s: you may think that this is a little bulu roma meremang kinda post but being a less expressive person that i am, they are the only ones that i could utter such words to. being all lovey dovey, expressive and romantic and stuff is not my forte' but this i could do and live with :) read on if you want, feel free.

a late resolution, but that's alright.

2011-01-18T15:11:00.002+08:00

isolation and stuff. it happened and it's all over. new year. new hairstyle (lovin' every bit of it despite whatever people say). i can hear the constant tong tong chiang everywhere, shopping malls, morning markets, literally everywhere. that marks the very festival that's definitely looking forward too. know why? simple. because of the yee sang, the ba kua, the oranges, the house visiting, the family gatherings, the nga ku and many many more. though the melody of 'xing nian lai lo' gives me the headache sometimes but i'll bear with it to trade with all of that:)

few more months and another year older. celebrations. tears. laughter. every single one of it is something that is inevitable in life. just the other day, negative thoughts run through the very mind of mine. so many things that still baffles me and so many things that i could not answer. many roads to take, some to joy, some to heartache. anyone will lose their way, so would i.
new year resolutions? too many for me to list it down here but either ways, they shall be done. ;)

out of boredom #1

2011-01-11T22:45:00.002+08:00

We don’t even talk anymore
And we don’t even know what we argue about
Don’t even say I love you no more
’cause saying how we feel is no longer allowed
Some people will work things out
And some just don’t know how to change

Let’s don’t wait till the water runs dry
We might watch our whole lives pass us by
Let’s don’t wait till the water runs dry
We’ll make the biggest mistake of our lives
Don’t do it baby

Now they can see the tears in our eyes
But we deny the pain that lies deep in our hearts
Well maybe that’s a pain we can’t hide
’cause everybody knows that we’re both torn apart
Why do we hurt each other
Why do we push love away

betul- betul jiwang
and i thought only Indonesian music bands come out with emo songs
looks like they are really Boys 2 Men
lol!~

imprudent mind

2011-01-10T01:26:00.004+08:00

life. death. birth. circle of life, they call it. everything else just comes in between. picking up pieces that were all shattered. never knew it was that difficult. every single moment of that pretentious act of happiness is sickening. tired of games played, people always make excuses to live life by. when spice girls starts singing about a girl who needs a man, not a boy who thinks he cares. at that moment, they must have gone through helluva doubts and suspicions in their mind. and i could not nod anymore in agreement than i already had.
pessimist, i'm not. realistic perhaps, even i'm not sure of that. they say things just don't go the way you want it to be. true indeed. they will then say, use alternatives. easier said than done. holding on to something that is so real and yet so out of reach at the same time. exhausting indeed.
honesty is the best policy. they were right when they say this. sadly, we always tend to choose to mislead others with lies. man...and i still wonder the very act of that. warmth. the very tender touch of one. all lost in the very 'real' world that we all live in.
just like you. i am ambitious. wanting the very best of everything. but i know where i stand. i know moderation. i know humility. would not even have the audacity to even ask for more.
why the fear? why the self-doubt? why question when it is just right in front of you? why chase after something that is walking away? why regret over something that is not done when opportunity is just a touch away? why the tears after something is gone?
time wait for no man. goes the same with everything. waiting is not an issue. a long wait is an issue. fools we all are. fools indeed.

im just like others, only a couple of differences

2011-01-06T22:16:00.003+08:00

it's not vanity, it;s just a serious obsession towards beauty.

read this from a book that sis gave me the other day. couldn't stop the smirk on my face while reading this. again, the mind work of a man amazed me till' the very end. like they always say, the deadliest weapon is not the machines but is the mind of a man.

and it explains everything. the constant misunderstanding. the frequent communication breakdown. the blurry things between people. the very ridiculous dramas that take place. the unnecessary words said. the wrath. the hatred.

then again, there are two sides to every story. just gotta learn how to perceive it from the different manner, ehh? ;)

It's the beginning once again

2011-01-03T13:16:00.003+08:00

it's 2011!~ needs a little adjustment and getting used to the whole idea of a new year. nonetheless, a new year marks a brand new everything. let past years be kept in the memory box while enjoying the many new events coming this way ; be it good or bad. plans plans plans...classes. the old same stuff.. either ways, though its 3 days late..HAPPY NEW YEAR Y"ALL!~ :)

have an awesome, fabulous, marvelous, whichever way you want you year to be!~ :D

one man show

2010-12-23T10:48:00.004+08:00

hiatus and back
took a while to clear the thoughts of mine
not sure if it's all clear at the moment
that's not important i guess

break wasn't really productive
but having a little breather was definitely a good choice
witnessed the very magnificent behavior of mankind
the very magical human interaction
and it baffles me the mind work of a man

taken for granted sometimes
we really do
till we lost the touch of human warmth
taken for granted sometimes
we really do
till the lost of the common courtesy between man
taken for granted sometimes
we really do
till the silence kills it all
taken for granted sometimes
we really do
till hatred and anger takes over
taken for granted sometimes
we really do
till overshadows takes place
taken for granted sometimes
we really do
till we missed the very important stuff in life
it's beyond my control
it's beyond your control
we are all beyond redemption

caught on a crossroad
stood at the verge between truth and lies
i watch
i listen
and i learn
still...the mind works of a man
baffles me so much ~

on a break

2010-11-30T14:52:00.002+08:00

what's real
what's not
what's to share
what not to share
black
white
sincerity
pretentious
either ways
whatever it is
in the shades of grey
moving on
this blog is going on hiatus
till' then
chaoz!~

We the Rakyat lah!~

2010-11-22T20:20:00.008+08:00

(Source: tonyfernandesblog.com)

****************************

(Source: KLUE Magazine)

(Source: 15malaysia.com)

Malaysian Artistes for Unity-'Here in My Home'

(Source:youtube.com)

1Love, 1Home, 1Future

This is not exactly a local production, more of a work of an amateur by yours sincerely. Part of course assignment. Based on the theme of 'love' by the late Yasmin Ahmad and she is indeed a genius. And yes the very concept of 1Malaysia. Anyways, as mentioned, a work of an amateur so comment as much as you want to but non-related comments, please do keep it to yourself. Wouldn't mind criticism, I need them :) Thanks and enjoy! :D

A huge THANK YOU to everyone that helped during the whole process of making this video. You guys were a huge help and definitely awesome ones:) you know who you are so *hugs*!!

Local productions should be appreciated before we all start going hoo-hah over other people's work. Who else to bring up the industry if we locals could not even embrace our own people work and ideas. Not only films, videos and etc in Hollywood style along with special effects that makes you go 'woahh' should be appreciated, local films that carries abundance of meaning and true culture needs your attention too. So start watching and appreciating before the industry go buh bye~

untitled #2

2010-11-20T20:53:00.006+08:00

if chocolates could put a real smile on my face, i would have gobble all of em'
if ice-cream could make me feel better, i would get one every hour
if being harsh could change things, then i would not mind being the bad guy
if pretentious act could make things better, i would continue my act
if time could be reverse, i would stop at that very moment
and that will be, only if time could really heal
thought i moved on
guess its a failed attempt
tried but the fall never stop
never my choice to act so weird
never my choice to being cold
but what choice do I have
then to stop myself
tried to run but i refuse to leave
not a quitter
still holding on
but how much longer
i do not know

familiar no?? irony, irony, irony...

power of words and images

2010-11-13T15:25:00.010+08:00

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

Well it's all so overrated
In not saying how you feel
So you end up watching chances fade
And wondering what's real

where were you
when everything goes wrong
all my days sitting by the phone that never rang
lost and insecure

*pictures are not of mine*
(sources) Image 1 : www.emma.bloggspot.com
Image 2 : the-psycrothic.deviantart.com
Image 3 : www.lukechueh.com

perfections within imperfections

2010-11-12T15:56:00.004+08:00

if you seek for perfection, then look at imperfections beforehand. perfections are made up of imperfections. the word PERFECT exist within the many imperfections that we are. no one is perfect, not you, not me, not that dude sitting beside me in Starbucks, not that girl with full-makeup and the best svelte figure. why not just accept and embrace those imperfections, make the full out of it instead of constantly something that is of non-existence?

untitled

2010-11-10T11:09:00.002+08:00

I thought, I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around and he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry

Well, you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know
Seem to care what your heart is for
But I don't know him anymore

There's nothing where he used to lie
The conversation has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothing's fine, I'm torn

I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor

Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see
The perfect sky is torn
You're a little late, I'm already torn

So I guess the fortune teller's right
Should have seen just what was there
And not some holy light

It crawled beneath my veins
And now I don't care, I had no luck
I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things
That I can touch, I'm torn

I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor

Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see
The perfect sky is torn
You're a little late, I'm already torn, torn

'Torn' by Natalie Imbruglia
old school but a nice song indeed
don't question...there are no answers.

i feeelll good...ta nanannanaan!~

2010-11-08T19:56:00.029+08:00

and we arrived

flowers everywhere

endless supply of vegetables

tomatoes, tomatoes, tomatoes

and cactus
all these and it will give you a hint or two of the location visited

better still
the best hint ever
STRAWBERRIES!!
yup yup
Cameron Highlands it is
went for a short trip
needed a break
and it came right in time
first stop and we stumble upon this
a whole family was there

the little ones

this...should be the moyang..lOL!~

most fashionable one of all

this is one HOT mama ehh? ;P

and who say that age is a problem to a model?
no one can pose as natural as him
that i guarantee

this is under Your Highness request
lOL!~

experience the strength of a man
*cough cough*

weird plant
somehow the seed grew to the shape of a bird

sometimes they are just adorable
let me insist
sometimes only
lol:)

dinner session of the day
food is a guarantee when it comes to family trip
and this dinner was one of the best
u''ll never experience hunger with this bunch of awesome chefs in the family
menu of the day - curry chicken and herbal chicken leg
yummy yum yum!~
************
and we went to the night market

blending into the whole bunch of strawberries
blending very well indeed

potato balls
could not stop eating them!!

and it rains
so we were stranded in the rain
while waiting for the rain to stop

and uncle said "good job!"

a little bit of cam whoring session
and the rain stops
on the way to the car park

awwwww!~

another awww!~ moment

taken while we were in one of the strawberry park
valerie went missing
hence the missing strawberry face

father and son in their respective 'hak chius' (shades)
could not resist, must take picture
spot the brother behind there?

this is cute
not some kawaii posing out of nowhere, in the middle of nowhere
if you know what i mean

OD-ed on strawberries

uncle enjoying the pure honey that he bought
*he was real proud*

the potato ball stall that sells realll nice potato balls
they could not stop themselves from buying and eating

Chong was trying his level best to push...at least a slight movement towards bro
verdict? Failed.

mak cik sekalian at their best field of expertise
while they were busy
boredom caught up with me
so i decided to go around and start snapping pictures

as always
Varic will be the first person to be snapped

LOL!~

tryout, tryout

*proud*

and the day ends :)
Varic definitely had the time of his life
ice-cream, candies and strawberries supply throughout the whole trip
I had my share too
the non-stop makan session of fried mushroom and potatoes
the home cooked food that I missed dearly
the everyone-speak-at-once session
the non-stop jokes around the house
the noise in the middle of the night
the harmonic rhythm of bro and uncle while sleeping
everything!
was an awesome trip
it's about time we have this family trip
we all needed one ;)
and yes
you can sing along now
"i feeeeeelll goooodd!...ta nanaananan!"
"so good! *ten ten* "
:D

when the shutter clicks...

2010-11-04T11:54:00.024+08:00

different backgrounds
different environment
different perceptions
we may all be different but there is one thing
one bond that unites everyone
that is the whole theme

for one of the assignments required
a tribute to the late Yasmin Ahmad
******
close-up snapshots on a few peeps of mine

the ever full of expressions Jason @JellyDino
he can be the best human emoticon :)

The best impersonator ever - Eu Jin @ Joker
a wasted talent that is hanging around in campus

and i could not recognize my own cousin
lol!~
guy in red: Yik
guy in green : Liang
*i wish there were more time for me to get more snapshots on other people*

the many faces of Jo
camera girl indeed ;)

this section is a whole of random shots by Wai Hoh...*cough cough* lol! :)
******
thus begins the few shots for the video

'ji mui' & 'heng tai' bond that we share

on our way to a photo shooting session behind the taman nearby
and the shutter clicks...

adore all these pictures
all these just curved a smile on my lips whenever i see them :)

this...this wasn't exactly the shot that i intended on
but nonetheless, it turned out good
worth all the eyes on me in 1U while i was getting the balloons back
colours of the balloons represented Malaysia (if you notice..loL!~)
while the kids?
they were just an awesome bunch that is ever-ready to be shot
my all-time favourite models
******
was pretty chaotic
and i am still an amateur
nonetheless, everything was worth the time and effort at the end of the day
THANKS A BUNCH TO ALL MY FRIENDS AND LIL' COUSINS
YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!
<3>

maybe, perhaps, if

2010-11-01T22:28:00.003+08:00

it was all a misconception
it was all predictions
it was all assumptions
nothing real
nothing valid
perhaps distance is the best

it takes two hands to clap...

2010-10-24T00:38:00.009+08:00

they say one should always find one that loves you more than you love him or her. i disagree. it should be one should always love themselves before they even attempt to love another. besides, what kind of relationship works when its just one party playing all the cards? it takes two hands to clap. one way communication ain't gonna make anything work. what's more of an imbalance affection for each other? don't see the point of two person together yet only one throw all the effort and time in when the other just play along. don't understand when only one speaks and the other just listen. at the beginning, it might seem like its compromising, tolerance. yes indeed, compromising and tolerance but a continuous one sided party relationship? will only drain the very energy of that person. sooner or later, even if its meant to be it will only become a waste of effort and time.

don't miss a person that is not around. miss them when they are around and let them know.
why regret when everything is gone? why cry when at the first place there is no need for tears?
it's amazing. people always say and post the whole "appreciate those around you" up everywhere yet...people tend to let the one person that is important to them slip by.

practice what you preach. don't let anyone slip by. good things don't come twice in life, what's more the one person that you know is important in your life. opportunities don't come by just like that. happiness, warmth and all is not own just by you standing there. action speaks louder than words.

bonkers boink boink!~

2010-10-23T01:59:00.002+08:00

very much baffled by the brain of a layyydeehh. irony? i am a female myself. ahhh the mind work. the perception. the perspective. the thoughts. amazed by everything, and here i stand. an agreement to everything. i stand and i observe. i stand and i listen. but i stand with silence. exhaustion. felt like there is a need of a emergency tube attached in case of a drainage occurring.
weak i shall say. tired i shall feel. anytime, anywhere...adam lambert's "whataya want from me" will be sung. but i am no entertainer so what's the point. simple yet complicated. real yet fake. sincere yet there are still strings attached. lol!~ ohhhhhh the very drama of life. they sang 'yesterday once more', i sing 'jaded once more' and it never ends. ROFLMAO is my savior.

still an amateur...

2010-10-21T22:12:00.017+08:00

snapshots from a video that was made. a video that urges people to break the silence of rape victims. it's a loooonnnggg waayyy to go before i'm really good at this. LOL!~

p/s: this is not the full video, just snapshots from it.
*this is an act, not a real life form of video.

epic slacker

2010-10-20T14:40:00.003+08:00

this time around
nothing can beat the slacker
the exhaustion
the never ending rush for time
the sleepless nights
are all on the list
and all of this
is because i activated the slacker inside of me
and its taking control.

when will the slacker leave?
i need ME!~

the clown, the mime and the fool

2010-10-04T20:28:00.008+08:00

a story read triggered the very imagination of mine. blogs visited questioned every thoughts of mine. everyone is supposedly...or i assumed (pardon me for that) to have a colorful life. people say every thing that one goes through from the moment you're awake until the moment that you shut your eyes, it's all an experience. it's all part and parcels of life that you observe, listen and learn. something that is priceless. know what i learn? this very part of my life right now, i learn that simplicity is not out of reach, it is just us who loves all the hype and drama around.

a mime. silence is his forte'. uses nothing but gestures and facial expressions to express himself. if human communication were as simple as this. if understanding between people is that easy to achieve. but what if the mime stop every movement of his? what if the mime decided that gestures and facial expressions are not sufficient enough? that silence is not always golden?

a clown indeed. one that is always smiling and bringing laughter to everyone. one that knows nothing but making people happy. balloons, tricks, jokes...whatever it takes to make the lips curved. what happens when a clown lost everything? lost every skill possessed? even he could not smile, how can he make others?

ahh this...i am nothing but this. a fool indeed. a fool that knows no boundaries. a fool that make mistakes every now and then. a fool that is oblivious to things. a fool that knows no emotions. a fool that has no identity of himself. a combination of both the clown and the mime...and the fool thought that he is at the right track. it is of the best combination ever for him to fit in. for him to express himself. for him to reveal his thoughts. all of these, nonetheless comes to nothing but the obvious truth that a fool will always be the fool.

these 3 fellas here...they are just a few roles that we play in the walk of life. sincerity is vanishing. trust? i doubt the very foundation of it. relationships? loyalty? i question every bit of it.
people say it's either you are black or white. i say, we are all living in the shades of grey. people say communication is the key to maintaining a relationship. i say communication can lead to many things that could bring distance at times. people question the behavior of one another. i think, questioning yourself will be better. people wonder why so complicated? i say...it's simple. it's just us who choose to complicate stuff.

not being bitter. not being emo. not being morbid. just being real.

it's just me...being me

2010-10-02T01:17:00.003+08:00

i am at the verge of getting all jaded all over again. so much to do, so little time, yet so many dramas. i really don't get all of these and i am trying my level best to understand. so why can't i be understood at the same time. there are times when words uttered are real harsh but words are only harsh when the limit is touch. harsh words are of nothing but good intention to make things clear. i am of no expressive person. at times when questions are not asked, conversations are not held, messages are not sent do not represent the cold side of me. it's just me...being me. deep down inside, i do wonder. in silence, i do questioned myself "how is she? or how is he?" but i just do not utter them out. it's just me...being me. it baffles me when everyone question and yet doubt my answer. it baffles me when you do not speak of what you want or what you need, yet you expect me to know. i am of no psychic, you know? it baffles me even more when things are not asked or mentioned, i am of no knowledge and then guilt all over me. and at this point, i am so gonna break into adam lambert's "whattaya want from me" song at any given moment. ohhh all the drama...

if and only if....

2010-09-28T22:26:00.004+08:00

if a yamcha session would wipe away all thoughts
i would held a thousands of it
if a cup of Starbucks could bring a smile
i would buy as many as you need
if time could really heal
i would hold on to the time that you were alright
if a letter would allow me to know what's bothering you
i would write everyday
and make sure that my postbox is always empty
or my inbox...now that we are all so highly dependable on tech
if a fake smile would make your worries fade away
then fakeness shall it be
if and only if
all of these and many more
could make things clear
i would do everything to make it better

a little aloha of mine...

2010-09-27T20:47:00.005+08:00

yes yes..i got all these
ngek ngek ngek
saw the big box there
that's snack heaven mannn
unfortunately, i already finished the content
thus only the box
psssttt...
scroll down
scroll down
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******
****
**
*

at first
he was alone
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************
********
*****
***
**
*

and then he was joined by the other members
p/s: each of them represent each and everyone of them
u know who u are.... ;p
and i thought it was the end
**********************************************
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************
*********
******
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*

and there were four more

and lastly..
no no, this time for real
this is the last
they were all joined by the odd member
LOL!~
this little aloha of mine
will be cherished endlessly
well kept and well maintained
this aloha will not be tortured ;p
***********************************************************************************
but but but...i was tortured
apparently i was a 1-day Wonder Girls member
Malaysian version that is
<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

this shiny, super bling dress is forced on me
throughout the whole day
took a stroll in campus and pyramid shopping mall for the whole day
trust me...u would need tons of guts to this
nonetheless, like i said
was an awesome mawesome pawsome birthday
again, THANKS A BUNCH TO EVERYONE!
all effort and time are HIGHLY appreciated :D

broadcasting...definitely

2010-09-24T22:58:00.005+08:00

i drew this! hehehe..though its a little cartoonish and still an amateur style..still i am proud. had the opportunity to experienced a process of creating a video. this is part of it...drawing a storyboard. 6 frames as the minimum to display a very rough idea of how the video is going to be. this is awesome mawesome wowsome...owkay, i have no idea what i just said. anyways...this reinforces the confirmation that....broadcasting, here i come! :D

p/s : i am still interested in performing arts ;)

BIG 2.0!~

2010-09-22T11:13:00.003+08:00

it was my big 2.0!!

yes yes...another year pass by

unbelievable! time flies time flies

this year different all over

had my first suprise last Saturday

from a bunch of real sweet peeps

couldn't stop laughing

kept smiling all the way

even in lala land..the smile just won't go away

that day...i experienced simplicity.

one simple celebration that consists of a thousand meaning

u know how Uncle Kraker's song 'Smile' goes?

yerp..that's how it was.

u guys made me smile like the sun!~ :)

and then on Tuesday
uni mates had their turn
mann...did they enjoy or what?
had my head spinning the whole day with curiosity of what's happening
or should i say what's gonna happen?
had yet another awesome day
though i had a super blended chicken McDeluxe, coke, baby food, celery. baby bitter gourd and i have no idea what else
and then was forced to wear this SUPER BLING gold dress
a Malaysian version of Wonder Girl all the way in campus and Pyramid
had my car transformed into a trash can
it was all worth the anxiety
had real fun
arrhhh...big 2.0 like i mentioned
gets better and better

a HUGE THANK YOU to all my peeps
all the effort and time put was and still highly appreciated
birthday is awesome with you guys
THANK YOU THANK YOU
i can't THANK u guys enough :)

what lies beneath...

2010-09-07T18:16:00.004+08:00

the fragility of human relationships
the vulnerability of human character
all the drama around
exhausted exhausted

excerpts that makes u go awwww....!~

2010-08-26T10:46:00.003+08:00

All 4 One - I Swear
"cause as the time turns the page, my love won't age at all"

Boyzone - I Love The Way You Love Me
" And I could list a million things I love to like about you But they could all come down to one reason I could never live without you"

Boyz II Men - I Can Love You Like That
I never make a promise I don't intend to keep So when I say forever, Forever's what I mean Well, I'm no Casanova but I swear this much is true I'll be holding nothing back When it comes to you

K-Ci & JoJo - All My Life
Said, I promise to never fall in love with a stranger You're all I'm thinkin' of, I praise the Lord above For sending me your love, I cherish every hug I really love you
And all my life I've prayed for someone like you And I thank God that I, that I finally found you All my life I've prayed for someone like you And I hope that you feel the same way too Yes, I pray that you do love me too

Backstreet Boys - All I Have To Give
When you talk-does it seem like he's not even listening to a word you say? That's okay babe, just tell me your problems I'll try my best to kiss them all away...

N'SYNC - God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You
In all of creation All things great and small You are the one that surpasses them all More precious than Any diamond or pearl They broke the mold When you came in this world And I'm trying hard to figure out Just how I ever did without The warmth of your smile The heart of a child That's deep inside Leaves me purified Your love is like a river Peaceful and deep (and deep) Your soul is like a secret That I never could keep When I look into your eyes I know that it's true God must have spent... A little more time

and there's many more...definitely makes u go awww!~

m only human...

2010-08-22T16:08:00.002+08:00

tough?
yes
but fragility exist too
strong yet vulnerable
humorous?
definitely but limit exist
there are times when i breakdown too
there are times when i shatter into pieces too
there are times when i need a shoulder to cry on
there are times when i need someone to be all ears too
i am only human after all...

draining all of me...

2010-08-20T11:49:00.002+08:00

stuck in the middle
not liking any of this
left, right?
yes, no?
go ahead, take a step back?

on a crossroad
hanging at the moment
can't seem to find the way ahead
negative thoughts
negative feelings
want to scrape it off so badly

where is the optimistic self?
fear
jealousy
confusion
lost
you're all slowly taking the whole of me

of heart shapes and alphabets L.O.V.E....

2010-08-16T15:42:00.005+08:00

L.O.V.E
can be display and utter in many ways
but does everyone meant it when they say it?

a dream of jade, ba cang and kopi-o...

2010-08-16T14:30:00.004+08:00

i dreamt of her a few nights ago
her smile that warm every single heart in the household
the small, fine wrinkles on her face that adds to her wisdom
her old school specs that seen so many things in life
her ever beautiful jade jeweleries
that became her signature look
all of that
i see it so clearly that night

i remember the day
when all hearts shattered
when the news break in
no one could take it in without breaking down
no one could stand in a pose so calm and collected
i remember the minute they brought her back
the sound of grief
the many tear drops that filled the house that night
i remember the moment i stare at her for the last time
and know clearly this would be the last
i hold back those tears so badly that i cried in silence
i remember the very last day when she was with us
the last trip that all of us accompany her
for the very first time
i saw tears of the one man
that i've always see as the toughest man in my life
the man that i respect so much
look up to so much that
looking at the devastation he went through
breaks every emotion of mine
i remember the very moment of all these taking places
so clear in the memory box of mine
that it feel like it was yesterday

truth?
been years since she left
all those tears were all cried out
all those heartache was over and done with
nothing left but memories
memories of the delicious chinese delicacies that she would prepare every now and then
memories of the sweet aroma of kopi-o that we would smell every morning
memories of the ever special homemade ba cang that we would all look forward to
memories of the warm smile that she would give us everytime we step into the house
memories of the ever famous quote "siao okui (crazy tortoise)" that she would utter to us whenever anyone of us gets into mischief

memories that would last
along with the one regret that i have inside of me
all these years
a lesson well learned

conquer quest...

2010-07-30T15:40:00.006+08:00

went on a 'conquer quest' last saturday. was awesome i tell ya'...had no idea what to expect but we went nonetheless. broga hill in semenyih was the destination of the day. first peak...all 13 were on our way up...second peak, it became 9 0f us...third peak, as u guessed...it decreases to 8 and the final peak; only 5 were on their way. number decreases as the peak gets higher and the path gets steeper... LOL!~

was expecting sunrise, but guess the weather wasn't all that appropriate that particular day. could only manage to see the colour changes of the sky and the many random people who hike all the way up for camwhoring sessions. believe me when i say random people; old to young, even dogs are there too. and you thought hiking was only for certain age demographic and species.

headed for Hutan Lipur waterfall after lunch. what can i say again other than it being yet another awesome one. total bonkers at that point with the uber cold water, the wacky people around and of course the beautiful stream of water flowing.

tiring...but was a 'will-definitely-go-again' trip because it was awesome, hilarious and exciting. this beats the whole boost and dance thingymajiggy.

the many shots of the scenery that day. beautiful beautiful. nothing else like it. and i finally understand the reason behind bro's all hyped up attitude of going hiking, camping and all...totally worth the time and effort of staying awake. while still on bro's pending list of bringing me along for hiking and stuff...i shall go find and explore on my own. ;)

art of love...

2010-07-26T12:42:00.002+08:00

I’m saying sorry in advance cos this won’t always go to plan
Though we don’t mean to take our love for granted
It's in our nature to forget what matters
How when the going is getting tough
And we’re all about giving up
Things that we never thought we’d gonna say, gonna say them
Things that we never thought we’d play, gonna play them
It ain’t perfect, but it’s worth it
And it’s always getting better
It’s gonna take some time to get it right

Cause I’m still learning the art of love
I’m still trying to not mess up
So whenever I stumble let me know
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out
You need to spell it out for me
Cause I’m still trying to learn the art of love

If I forget to get the door
Remind you that you’re beautiful
I know my detail requires more attention
If I ever hurt you it’s not my intention
Cause we’re gonna make our mistakes
Find out how much your heart can take
But I know that you got my back
And baby I got yours

~~~~~

never really had the chance to actually understand what Jordin Sparks and Guy Sebastian busy uttering in this song. decided on googlin' the lyrics, and i found this. :) instead of the cliche', mushy, lovey dovey, confessions of love through songs, gotta' say that this is more meaningful. at least this is more real. something that you can relate to reality and know that this do happen.
nuff' said!~ :D

P/S: definitely still learning...lol!~ ;P

"can we pretend..."

2010-07-25T22:16:00.003+08:00

while allowing myself
to pretend wishing that airplanes in the night skies are like shooting stars
i wish for nothing
but for a stronger me to hold on

sweetest thing...

2010-07-21T18:33:00.004+08:00

grandma's house is always one of the many favourite place of mine to hangout
how can it not be
when all memories are well-kept there

there are times when emotions rule over
as thoughts of grandma rush through
gotta' admit though
being a member of a family where food are constantly served
can't miss out on the food side, can we? ;)

all that aside
as usual
being the random person
stopped by grandma house today
and aunt got all excited about her new fruit blender
and decided on her drink-of-the-day; a combo of apple and tomato juice
after a whole demonstration of the blender
she poured the juice into 3 separate cups

it got me thinking for a while
and then she said
"Shin, bring this to your uncle"
that moment...i tell ya
immediately my lips curved into a smile

i smiled at the silent affection that my aunt showed
i giggled at the discreet love that they have for each other
despite the many disagreement between them
deep down inside both of them
the thoughts, concern and understanding lies in them
no P.D.A needed
no mushy, causing goosebumps all over kinda words uttered
no totally-get-into-ur-nerves motions displayed
just one sincere thought
that is there all the time
one non-stop concern
and one unconditional love to prove that they are still a couple no matter what

it's not about the amount of roses
it's not about the price of the gift received
it's not about how many chocolate boxes you received
especially those that are only sent once in year for display purposes (if you know what i mean)
definitely not about those 3 words that are uttered and not meant

the sweetest thing
i tell ya'
it's the thought of each other
not only the moment that you wake up
but also the moment you shut your eyes and whisper goodnight
it's the one text
that contains the simplest word yet means the most
it's about all those little things done, little words uttered
that puts a smile on your face
it's about the moments shared
memories that would make you flashed back and tell yourself that you still love that person
no matter what or how mega the argument was
the adrenaline rush that you get every single time you see each other
and the hands that are held on so tight
no matter how long
how old
how tough
the journey took.

this...the sweetest thing
i learn from my parents
from my uncles and aunties
that
relationships is not an obligation
not a burden
not a responsibility
not a duty
not a portal of lies
and there is no such thing as the perfect relationship

in this post
i salute all of them in the name of love :)

i went for a trip...

2010-07-11T22:19:00.015+08:00

an abrupt plan to Malacca and Port Dickson
worth every sight of standing by the beach
watching the many random acts of chasing one another, building 'unwanted' elements on the sand, scaring the tiny little crabs
with just seven of us
the trip is made worthwhile
~~~~
words can't fully describe the atmosphere of the trip
pictures on the other hand allow you to emerge yourself instead
so shall we let the pictures do the talking??
~~~~~
by the beach in Port Dickson

rabbit feeding session in Eagle Ranch Resort, Port Dickson

Dataran Pahlawan & The Jetty, Melaka

Karaoke Session at the Jetty, Malacca

can you feel the flow of emotions? loL!~

~~~~~
Banana Boat Ride, Port Dickson

Night Walk at Eagle Ranch Resort, Port Dickson

and we found Yesi

and this is Fair View, a racing horse

i went for a trip
that does not require a 5 star, luxurious hotel
that does not require some marvellous food that cost a bomb
that does not require any fabulous lifestyle of the rich and famous
one thing is sufficient to make it an unforgettable trip
the group of people that you went along with
and that
i tell ya'
its more than enough to make a trip awesome awesome!
so precious the memories
that i gotta' admit
there are times that i miss the trips
and there are days that i wish we were still there
being all silly and mad
those nights of non-stop laughter
early mornings of stories of who kicked who last night

and these people right here
in this pictures
yup!!
they are the one that made all these happened
thanks guys!:)
trip...like i said
over and over again
it was awesome!!!
:D

deception

2010-07-06T01:26:00.002+08:00

there are no truth, only lies
even the one you think closest to you
lies to you
what's more of a stranger

certain people are irreplaceable
but more often than not
most people are always replaceable
intentionally or unintentionally
consciously or subconsciously
so why try so hard?

deceptions everywhere
manipulation anytime
truth?
never think it exist
truth are only assume to be the truth
the real truth are only known once found out
so why push so hard?

why blame others
why blame the whole world
when someone lied
why not yourself
when you, yourself lied too

whose to be blame
when trust is gone
whose to be blame
when things shatter
whose to be blame
when gaps fill in
whose to be blame
when relationships drift

that is one truth that i learnt
so here i am
being me
switching on the one self defense mechanism of mine once again
who i foolishly off it
when i thought times are better
indeed
one truth that i learnt

i'm a sinner...

2010-07-04T04:14:00.005+08:00

i admit
i have greed
i wish for a lot of things and still wishing
vanity is definitely one of them
because i am narcissistic
enough said
jealousy
never knew how it felt
until lately
sloth
ahhh...who don't
anger
hatred
there's just no path that i could express

still think that ignorance is bliss
and silence is golden
but never had i ever imagine that this would eventually lead the wrong way
words are harsh
but they are only meant to be harsh
when i want them to
other times?
they are meant for jokes

silence
doesn't mean that i don't care
silence
doesn't represent ignorance
silence
is sometimes
meant to happen

and
now
this moment
this whole post
reinforces that i am indeed a failure
when it comes to self expression
because i am just the way i am
don't question
don't doubt
don't ponder
because this is me

Hachiko

2010-06-27T23:17:00.004+08:00

THIS
This

This
........

this movie makes me wants an Akita SO badly!

Hachiko is his name
a true story about a dog

further information

please refer to google.com
lol!~
~~~~~
Hachiko teaches me one thing
LOYALTY
a character that everyone should possess at anywhere, anytime and towards anyone

this is the real Hachiko

the statue of Hachiko that is built at Shibuya station, Japan
right at the place where he always sits and waits for the arrival of his master
~~~~~
nice movie i would say
though i have to admit
i cried
yes i did and i am proud to admit that
lol!~
so watch it and enjoy
til' then
chaoz!~ :)

P/S: i want a Hachiko too!~

"My Name is Khan and I'm Not A Terrorist"

2010-06-24T00:28:00.004+08:00

watched this movie yesterday

and like i mentioned to sis earlier

there is nothing and no way i can express myself other than

"AAAAWWWWWEEESOOOMMMEEE!!!"

~~~

when i saw this movie

it reinforces the reason why i like Shah Rukh Khan so much

and why i always mentioned to my parents that

if a Bollywood movie does not have Shah Rukh Khan as the lead actor

then the movie ain't that good

and I was proven right

the moment I watched his performance in this movie

gotta tell ya'

He does not need a full 6 packed body like Salman Khan

he does not need those piercing eyes of Hrithik Roshan

all he needs is he HIMSELF
~~~~

fuhh!!

and Kajol is gorgeous

so beautiful

and both of them

great pair on-screen!!!

the chemistry is magnifecto!

ahhh what can i say further

~~~

Karan Johar is brilliant

except for his Koffee with Karan session

his directing

his movies

splendid!!

last but not least

MY NAME IS KHAN

is a HighlyRecommended movie

one that is worth me playing over and over again

non-stop

P/S: this movie requires tissue while watching...trust me:)

til'then

chaoz!~

i smelll HOLIDAYS

2010-06-22T23:23:00.002+08:00

holidays are here!!
excited excited
now that all assignments are over
nothing to complain
no more sleepless nights at the moment
no more rushing through the traffic like some mad cow

definitely in the holiday spirit
started the first task today
watched 3 movies
standing ovation to Shah Rukh Khan and Karan Johar
for the movie 'My Name is Khan'
no wonder he's my favourite Bollywood actor
District 9?
fuhh...i skipped most of the scenes
so i guess u know the verdict
and Hachiko
one word
tears
and I want an Akita dog :)

now that first task is done
i shall continue all the other tasks soon
because I SMEEEELLLLL HOLIDAYS!!!~

i missshhhh...

2010-06-20T00:43:00.007+08:00

all my protege'

all their nonsense
and their silly moments

i wish...

2010-06-13T17:21:00.003+08:00

spent a couple of hours reading all the older posts wrote.

lots of nostalgic moments; rants and joy. stories of people of all kind.

ahhh those were the days.

then i navigate to peeps' blogs and spend another couple of hours reading their older posts and latest ones as well.

people are not what you see on the surface.

when i read through all the posts, i wish that i could actually do or say something that could make them feel better.

the many nicknames

2010-06-12T15:55:00.003+08:00

a blink of an eye
here i am
at the very last few weeks
till' the end of first semester
yet another deja' vu
i couldn't believe how time flies
holidays are just around the corner
definitely looking forward to hhhhhoooolliiiddayysss!~

everything's pretty messed up lately
guess it must be my reluctance since my brain switched itself to the holiday mood mode
loL!~
ahhh...whats new with me...
moving on
laptop is heading to self destruct soon
please die on me after all assignments are done
and the many falls i had
prize from that?
many blue blacks on both legs
and a sprained hand
*applause applause*
again, what's new with me?
nevermind nevermind
all these are all temporary
i shall embrace the negativity available

and so that's how things are lately
ooohh...and i am now not only known as
"Lil' Brat"
"Sheena the Queen of the Jungle"
"Bakwan"
but with more additions to the list
"Gina"
"Shemale"
"Tomato"
"Lemon"
"anak liar"
and the list goes on
don't get me wrong
i am lovin' every moment and every names given
because that's how i roll... :)
ahh! the very scent of beauty of life :D
till' then
chaoz!~

hypocrisy experienced first hand

2010-06-06T00:35:00.003+08:00

people said...supposingly
the older you are
the wiser you get
nahh!~
seen nothing like this so far

everything seen and heard
are plain hypocrisy
just when i thought
extra credits given to people
dissapointment constantly flushes in

someone claim to be a friend
but when something happen
you are all to be blame
be it accusations or not
in my case
definitely accusations

someone claim to be mature enough
to handle stuff
but when chaos take its place in life
the person fleed
and the place to rant?
social networking sites
i see this
no where near maturity

someone claim to be sensible enough
to be able to differentiate
what's right and wrong
but when emotions take place
you are to be blame
be it you have the right or not
if you're standing in my shoes
i have the right

someone claim that the truth is known
so well known that nothing
no one in any right position
could shake the principle that's hold on to
but right now
all that is seen and heard
are all denials
cowardy that leads to denials
the whole ideology of having the fear of being a bad person
leads to ignorance
be it guilty or innocence
you are to be blame
in my case
i am no where near innocence or guilt
just plain jaded

never have i seen myself as being perfect
never have judgement cross my mind
never have emotions own a place in me
never have i expect anything from anyone at anytime or any place

people often mistaken silence as being emo, as anger
what they fail to see
is the real reason behind the silence
what they fail to know
is the real person behind all the silence

like i said
don't judge
don't assume anything
don't predict anything
don't think or claim that you know me well enough
for all these assumptions and predictions and thoughts and ideas and judgement of who i am, what i am, what i think, what i feel to take place
because no one is ever near the word "understand"

i made a wish upon the star

2010-06-03T00:57:00.003+08:00

stared into the sky

shut my eyes

and i whisper to myself

i made a wish upon a star

greed is not a sin i intend to possess

but i would like to

for this one moment

i wish for all the luck

to be spreaded for those who need it

i wish for the words

that would bring comfort to those who need it

i wish for the hugs

to bring warmth to those who need it

i wish for courage

to allow expression for those who need it

i wish for strength inside out

to face the world out there for those who need it

i wish for inspiration

to bring a better tomorrow for those who need it

i wish for happiness

to put a smile on the faces of those who need it

i wish for good health

to bring glow to those who need it

i wish for sufficient wealth

for survival purpose for those who need it

~~~~~~

there are times when life has its difficulties

there are times when you just don't get what you want

there are times that life is just so unfair

that you questioned yourself and those around you

but heyy...that's life

imperfections make you perfect

sorrow is the stepping stone to joy

failure is the base for success

it's all about perceptions

hence, i made a wish upon the star :)

P/S: to all my loved ones out there; family or friends...this wish is made for you. there are times

when life is a rough road down, it ain't something to fret about because when the going

gets tough, the tough gets going :D when you do feel down, remember there is indeed

someone that is wishing upon the star for u ;)

things that makes me go BONKERS!

2010-05-30T02:26:00.013+08:00

out of boredom

during a brief break from completing assignments

i had this sudden urge to blog

being the wacky person that i am

at certain time with certain people

here i am
giving a few examples of things that would make me go bonkers

~~~~~

for those who know me long enough

or during the time when i was crazy over this dude here

you would know well enough

the level of madness there was

in fact, there still is

i am still crazy over him

and him i refer to TVXQ JaeJoong

i still go "ahhhh!!!!~ " over him

and i don't care what you think or say

he is still to me

the ONE :)

powerpuff girls?

nahhh!

hello kitty?

no no no

my kind of cartoon characters

are those that you just scrolled past

yes...you are right

Stitch is just the walking disaster that tickle my funny bones all the time

he is one of my many obsessions

and then you have the Tasmanian Devil from Looney Tunes

love the fact that he don't speak

he just goes *bleekeekk blaaahhhh*

and then yeah, Bulbasaur!

when he goes "bulba bulba"

moving on....

ooo this is someone that reminds me

of how i am constantly attracted to weird guys

weird lukin

weird personalities

kinda one of the same reason behind the attraction to JaeJoong

Anime character or played by Kenichi Matsuyama

F.Y.I....i am crazy about Kenichi Matusyama too!

this guy..fuhh!

enough said :D

THIS IS IT!

no need for further elaborations

because if you know me

you know the level of madness when it comes to this

when there is beat

rhythm

melody

whatever you call it

i'll go all out bonkers

when my body start swwaaayyyiinngg along

~~~~~~~~~~

how can i ever miss out

the one thing that makes me as mad as a hatter

it works like a booster

one that without it

i'm hyper

with it

i'm even more hyper

don't get it?

ahh cme' on...FOOODD!!

ALLL OF THESE....

irresistible!!!

~~~~

that's it

the few out of many things that i could think for now

that would make me go BONKERS!!!

and off you and i go now

till' then

GO ALL OUT MAD!!!

chaoz~:)

hanging by a moment....

2010-05-24T21:46:00.004+08:00

desperate for changing
starving for truth
i'm closer to where i started
chasing after you
i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go all i've hold onto
i'm standing here until you make me move
i'm hanging by a moment here with you

forgetting all that i'm lacking
completely incomplete
i'll take your invitation
you take all of me now

i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go al i've hold onto
i'm standing here until you make me move
i'm hanging by a moment here with you
i'm living for the only thing i know
i' running and not quite sure where to go
and i don't know what i'm diving into
just hanging by a moment here with you

-enough said!~~

soul remedies

2010-05-19T18:04:00.004+08:00

lifehouse is all i ever need to keep my emotions
rascal flatts is all i ever want during my emo moments
matchbox 20 is all that's played
the calling when i am down
incubus when i wanna sing along
kings of leon when i wanna have a laughter or two
muse to keep me awake
plus one to remind me the voice of jason (plus one member) and how much i love it
gavin rossdale to prove me wrong on my perception on him
and the list goes on

up or down
happy or sad
all i ever need is my ever loyal playlist
these are remedies to my soul !~
chaoz~

the many celebrations

2010-05-15T12:13:00.017+08:00

this is what happens when you have all the celebrations at one go

lotsa food

lotsa sinful food

lotsa dishes

lotsa desserts

and the list goes on....

a very sinful weekend i had indeed

~~~~~~

celebrated Jen's sis belated birthday

in SS2, Seo Gung Restaurant

one of the place that serve good Korean food

1st aunt, Sis Jo and Tammy Sis
Me and Jen Sis
now be my guest..... my guess would be this is the appetizer (correct me if i'm wrong)
they give this all the time

still challenging myself into using the cutleris perfectly

fail so far

the ever delicious side dishes

cannot be missed!~

OOoo my favourite...bibimbap!~
~~~~~~~~~

and then we headed to KTZ in SS2 for dessert

now is where everything starts

brace yourself with a pail

it'll be flooding!~

errmmm...this is err...

some sea coconut dessert

apple citrus tea...i think...

their well known honeydew lolo

introducing mat tou lo....translation anything oso mix...

closer shot..allow you to drool more
~~~~~~~

and the celebration continue with bro's birthday

though we didn't manage to get the ice-cream that we initally wanted

due to certain circumstances that made me initiate a drama

baskin robbins still does the magic!!

see see...yes it does the magic:)
~~~~~~~~~

and how can this be missed

Mother's Day!
this is kinda late but still

Happy Mother's Day to all great mums out there!!!

had dinner at Noble House in Klang

the food ?

its awesome!!!

it makes me wanna go learn culinary arts!!!!

the main dish of the day

some 4 or 5 season thingy

lol!~

this is aammmaazzing i tell u

not only the taste

but the whole thing

from presentation to the moment the food touches your taste bud

and i am not kidding

i dont even need to put up any other food we had that day

this is enough said!

and finally

the cake!

no matter what or when

there's always time and space for dessert

some tangerine flavored cake

not the best that i know

but okla...like the deco but not the taste

~~~~~~~~

see what i mean?

a sinful weekend indeed

swwweeettt stuf all day long

od-ed....gonna cut down on it

while ure drooling

i'mm sign off

so til' then

chaoz!~

of thank yous and apologies...

2010-05-12T08:28:00.005+08:00

WARNING: Do Not Read This Post if You're not Interested :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~

~~~~~

~~~

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! ngek ngek ngek...

________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

ok..if you insist...feel free

finally a whole 15 hours of payback sleep
never felt better
i know i know
posted on facebook
that i am on the verge of giving up
no worries
it's just a temporary rant
was caught up in a mess
now i' all alright and back on my feet
assignments is piling up
challenging..challenging
those who think that communications is easy
hahahah...think twice
because i tell ya' it ain't!

now that malacca trip pictures are posted up
will be posting up on other stuff soon
birthdays, mother's day, first roadtrip and so on
ahh! i miss the many yamcha sessions
the random, in-prompt-to birthday celebrations, the shopping spree (though most of the time i window shop)
got about 7 books on my shelf that are untouch until now
looking forward to sem break in june/july
gotta' admit
a greedy person i am
sometimes i want time to fly
sometimes i want the time to stop
tsk tsk tsk..unsatisfied person i am

presentation was awesome!
so here i am
grabbing this opportunity to thank...
Christin - Poh, i can't find any partner of comm any better than u :)
Strawberry Sin - thank you for being there all the time and getting all hyped up about asking people around
Grape Fen - thank you for allowing me to take a picture of u ;)
Wai Hoh - thank you for appearing, helping and getting all excited about the methods of video/picture shooting. i hope u had fun and not awkwardness ;p
and many many random people that allowed us to take a picture (though none of them would see this)

and then to my group members;
Justin
Haidy
Shen
Jason
Eu Jin
Ramadhan
u guys did a good job
*applause applause*
no other words could describe my gratitude towards all of you other than thank you!!

the title says it all
so now we move on
huge apology to Wei Siang & Weng Kit
i am so sorry for the ever boring yamcha session
u guys were the victims
yes yes...i still owe u starbucks and ice-cream
will make it up to you guys soon :)
that if u guys don't get scared when u hear "yamcha" :)

that's it for this time
til' then
chaoz!~

the journey to national heritage...

2010-05-05T18:29:00.025+08:00

and we're finally on a roadtrip to malacca

were definitely exhausted after the many nights of assignments

but we couldn't bear to postpone the roadtrip again

so here we are

was definitely a day of foodhunt

chicken rice balls, portugese egg tarts, cheese cake, chendol, pork satay

couldn't ask for more

and all thanks to...

jonker 88...the place we had chendol
justin....tour guide of the day
thanks a bunch si yao wong! ure awesome!~

shen..the endless joker

trips are no laughter without him

chicken rice balls....not to be missed

the field that allow us to play kite...

the many random shots...

catfight~~ lol

see what i mean....

the poking device...

durian chendol...yuummyy one i tell u...

many more random ones

this one gives u the happy vibe :)

the many faces of haidy...

still find this funny...

and more of it...

retard... --"

i hear the shutter clicks all the time...

my models of the day

can u spot the photographer?

justin's moment of silence beside the bollywood tree...

our kite..bruce from a shark's tale...

the bollywood tree that reminds me of the tree rafiki (from lion king) stays in upclose view...

apprently this is jason @ FFK King

see the clouds behind the tree...the one that has a pointy ears

looks like some monster that ultraman would versus

shen posing...

the stall that we had our pork satay

we were suppose to head to port dickson for dinner

ended up we had our dinner in the car

too exhausted..all of us

yerp, that's it

malacca trip was exhausting but fun

thanks a bunch to all of them

i had a great time :)

til'then

chaoz :D

the story so far...

2010-05-03T00:16:00.003+08:00

holidays are over
due dates are extended
a breath of fresh air
though the couple of minutes and back to the hectic life once again

got my fresh air last friday
went for a trip to malacca (finally!)
awesome trip
had a real food hunt
will upload pics on that later on

was supposed to have dinner with the old gang
but there was no reply
so had to postponed it
hopefully soon

had a date with sin and others
an assignment date
got them to helped me with my assignment
so THANKS A BUNCH Y'ALL!
reli appreciate all the help yesterday
got lost in the middle of the night
my deepest apology to jo and sin
hope u guys are alrite
wai hoh, hope u had more fun yesterday and not awkwardness

had my dim sum today!
was about to receive the ffk mode from mum
woke up super early
anticipating the many many dim sum dishes
and mum told me that she kinda don't feel like going
was a little disappointed
but oh weelll, i'm already awake so might as well stay awake
and perhaps go get baos and nasi lemak for everyone later

then mum got up
get changed
and we're off to dim sum!
so a little patience does pay off :)

celebrated jenny sis's birthday
korean food and dessert in KTZ ?
could not ask for more
will upload on that too later on

as mentioned
holidays are over
tomorrow ?
not looking forward to
but i ain't gonna whine and complain
so hitting the sack now
til' then
goodnight and chaoz! :)

whispers...

2010-04-29T22:02:00.002+08:00

someone whisper to me
are you happy?
and i answered proudly
i am!
how can i not be?
i get what i want
i have all the neccessities i need
so why not?

and it whispers back
are you sure?
and i raise my voice
and said
yes i am!

and then it disappears
silence
and when silence crawls
i start thinking
am i reallllly that happy?
i question myself

i am
i told myself
i am
i convince myself
i am
i persuade myself
really now?

and then all i could hear was the clock ticking
i shut my eyes and hoping to fall asleep
but it wouldn't allow me to
it would go on and on
asking me the question over and over again
forcing an answer out of me
and i already did
so why are you not satisfied?

it would never let go
never did it once
let me go
over and over again
question after questions

if you are
why are your eyes watery?
if you are
why are you so miserable right now?
if you are
why can i sense fear inside of you?
if you are
why do you startle when you speak?

who are you deceiving?
why are you lying to yourself?
speak your mind
speak what you want

and when i try to
i can't
i just couldn't reach my voice
i just couldn't force it out
the next thing i know
i feel nothing but warm drops trickling down my cheeks....

let go...

2010-04-27T01:44:00.002+08:00

been real hectic lately
as predicted
nothing can fill up most of my time other than assignments
so there ain't a thing to complain about is there?
i truly believe that as someone grow
you learn alot
and whether you truly learn something or not
well, it kinda depends on you

today i learnt to let go
i learnt that being too stubborn on something can be such a pain in the arse sometimes
letting go of something that you know its pointless holding on
is such a BIG relief
one that you could just go "fuhh!!~ "
and i am glad i did that today

life is treating me well lately
nope
not boasting
but thankful
humility is what my dad taught me
and i am taking that until i am six feet under

but sometimes i am such a brat
guess that's why sis decided to called me that ;)
i am such a strong headed person
that i do not learn to let go of things
things that you will ask me "why hold on?"
thing is
i see and perceive things in a weird manner that sometimes i feel no one understand what's going on in my mind
and being the other rascal that i am
i refuse and choose not to explain to others
this i would go "what's the point?"
ahh welll, what can i do right?
i am who i am

but today
today became a day where i finally step out (a lil') from the usual me
i chose to let go
let it go
and all i feel that moment
huge huge relief

no longer do i need to scratch my head for answers
busting my ass off every day and night to search for an answer
no longer do i need to keep ponder about something
and probably irritate the shit out of some of my peeps
so you...yes you
if you are stubborn as me
sometimes letting go ain't that bad of a choice
try it
slight akwardness at the beginning
but later on
you would just go...FINALLY!!
:)

jaded with superficiality

2010-04-26T01:20:00.004+08:00

was walking around campus
when the monograms of LV just pass me by
was heading to class
when the monograms of Gucci just pass me by
was sitting in class
when whispers of Chanel, Prada and LV reached my ears
was about to approach some peeps
and then i walked away
and i DO NOT do this
but that moment
i was glad i did what i did

and then i stood in the middle of nowhere
because all i hear
were conversations of
what's the latest collection of chanel?
was this the special edition from DKNY?
this is liiikkeee so last season, heellloo??
and it goes on and on and on
it's as if like i am standing in an ocean full of people
that were only vaguely visible to my sight
i was so lost
speechless...

now don't get me wrong here
i have no problems with all these brands and all
because personally i do like them too
i totally get the whole attraction to all these merchandise that these brands carry
but aren't we all tooo conscious about it?

since when did all conversations have to revolve only or at least most of the time around brands?
since when did greetings became "oh my Godd!!! this is like the latest one? where did you get it?......" and we have a conversation?
since when did friendships became an object of "heyyy, you carry a designer bag! yeayy! u arree soo coool..let's be friends!"
since when did personality, social status and judgements be determine through labels that you are carrying around?
since when did a person's worth get valued by the names that you carry along?

what happen to the normal conversations that make you understand each other better in a different perspective?
what happen to other conversation that actually make you think and challenge you?
what happen to the mundane (though its mundane) conversations of "hows your day?"

and all we yapp and yapp and yapp about is the latest collection of Chanel
and all we ever think about is "how hard is it to get the special edition bag from Guess?"
aarrgghhH!~
I AM SO JADED!
so so so jaded!!

and i don't think i want to continue on the other superficiality that we are all in right now....

enough...

2010-04-24T18:39:00.005+08:00

have you ever been in a situation when you are so taken for granted for that you wish you weren't such a nice person?
have you ever been in a situation when wish all your senses just shut down just like that?
have you ever been in a postition where you just wish that the whole world just give you a break?
have you ever felt so frusrated and annoyed that you don't even know that you are actually annoyed or frusrated?
have you ever felt so numb that you don't even know what you felt during that particular moment?
have you ever been in a position where you just wanna scream but you just can't find your voice?
have you ever wish that there is just this moment of silence where you just don't have to utter a word and there is someone who understand you?
have you ever wish that everyone would just stop judging who you are and expecting you to be who they want you to be?
have you ever ever been where i have been?
ARE YOU EVEN ME AT THE FIRST PLACE?
NO!
SO BACK OFF, AND DON'T JUDGE ME
DON'T PRETEND YOU KNOW ME
DON'T ACT AS IF YOU UNDERSTAND ME
DON'T TRY TO BE ME
DON'T PUT WORDS INTO MY MOUTH
enough is enough...

what do you think?

spammin...

2010-04-21T15:21:00.002+08:00

exhaustion has never been so well defined until recently.
anyways, that is another matter that i am too lazy to start on
boredom is where i am right now
so bored that spammin became my temporary entertainment
spammed a couple of peeps' facebook
while i enjoy the amusement that i have through that
lame..i know
can't help it
desperation leads me to nonsense

p/S: i am in search of a drum set...anyone??

sleeping child

2010-04-18T22:33:00.003+08:00

i have successfully release the inner child of me recently. and that with only a single movie..and yes, you guess it, LION KING!! one of the many disney cartoons that could make me sing all day long, one that could put me in front of the cube box for hours without feeling bored, basically it just makes me feel "WHOA!!" it makes me smile even days after i watch the movie, happy, happy, happy...i can feel the LUUUUURrVVEE and HAAAPPPIINNEESSS even now.

Hakuna Matata!!!

The Usual Misunderstanding

2010-04-15T21:18:00.002+08:00

today is the official first day of mid-sem break
yeah right
holidays are never meant to be holidays
tons of work to be completed
objective of the day?
to complete CRR assignment in the first week
and PR assignment in the second week
fuhh! i am going to need alot of energy
can't wait ehh?

watched Shutter Island today
messes with my head
but it was alright
no idea about the rest of the gang
but they seemed bored
lol!
and and
I've never notice the talent in Leonardo Dicaprio till' I watched Blood Diamond
and now this?
no wonder he stays in Hollywood
leason learnt
never judge anyone by the cover

alright
that's the ultimate brief post
gotta' go against time now
til' then
chaoz! ~

Black & White

2010-04-13T10:07:00.016+08:00

this is the party that was mentioned earlier

the black and white party in bukit raja

was an awesome party

lots of effort and time put into it

glad that it was a successful one

again i stress, well done girls ;D

one of the deco that night

black and white snaps of pictures

a big thank you to all those that contributed :)

interior deco
love the black and white balloons! :)

avocado and grape...u know what i mean ;)
parrrtttyyy!

the other deco

where guests were asked to leave their comments that night

atmosphere that night

emcee of the night

Ms.Strawberry Ng

lol:D

the moment when we all cheer for the night

and then we diverged a while to this

ting and fen

can u spot jo posing ?

lol

and then the games

everyone was real sport

awesome! ;)

hehehe....the secret camwhore session

first game

hand squeeze curse!

how can a group picture be miss ehh?

another one :)

was a real fun party

of course there will be awkwardness here and there

but hey trials and errors are needed

so no biggie

awesome awesome fantastic marvellous party :)

looking forward to the next one

thank you to all guests for the support

you know who you guys are ;D

and babes, good job done!

til' then chaoz!

P/S: more pictures in facebook!

Shades of Grey

2010-04-11T21:27:00.003+08:00

attended a party last night
was a party that we girls planned for about a month
i would rate it as a successful party
don't really care about what others think
because i know that all of them did a great job on it
so babes, well done! :)
pictures are all on facebook
pretty difficult to upload it here since the connection is low
so feel free to browse there

urgh!
i have no idea why
but everything is so messed up for me this week
met an accident 2 days ago
baby JD is injured badly
a flush of guilt over me till' now
and then the whole monash thing
where i mistaken the date and made my peeps go all the way there
just to find out that the event is next week
another flush of guilt
towards justin, jason, haidy, tai chi and my fruity babes
so so sorry about it
still feel bad

and then
i just get so gloomy and moody easily
felt as if everything that i do is not good enough
all the careless mistakes
what have I become?
everything just go wrong just like that
why?
arrgghh! i wish i could say or do something to make it all better again
i have no idea how am i suppose to face them tomorrow
so frusrated and irritated and annoyed by myself

P/S : it does seems like chea wen is the only one who checks my blog these days. thanks wen!! :)

i wish

2010-04-08T21:57:00.002+08:00

i became an epic failure today
dissapointment has never gotten me where i am today
at one point today
i wish i could be as cold as ice
at one point today
i wish all my emotions would be erased
at one point today
i wish that all my fear and shyness gets out of my way
at one point today
i wish i couldn't care less about anything at all
but throughout the whole day
all i wanted to do
was just to hide in the corner
and let my tears flow

the hardest thing

2010-04-05T16:06:00.003+08:00

for me to do is to pretend everything is alright. acting as if everything is normal and show no emotions at all. at the same time, i refuse to acknowledge everything. i am trying to be as ignorant as possible but guilt haunts me when i do that. i tried avoiding you and not look you into the eye when we speak but all i feel is this bad feeling in me. this guilt that makes me feel so angry at myself for doing that. where are we heading? what are we doing? what are you thinking? you leave me in nothing but confusion and the constant search for answers. you are so manipulative, so unbelievable, so misleading. words that you utter complicates things. actions that you do disturbs the very soul of mine. you make me go through all the excitement of knowing that i am going to see you in another minute or so, then you splashes cold water all over me through your coldness. then you make me go head over heels again with your warmth, shifting your attention to me. what do you want from me?

stop!!

2010-04-04T22:50:00.001+08:00

when u know ure gonna fall
pull urself back before its too late

today...

2010-04-01T23:50:00.002+08:00

i had real fun
i feel and still feeling awesome-ness
i laugh a lot
i get to know my friends a little more
i get to know that sometimes i really gotta allow myself some randomness
i learn that overcoming fear is not that easy peasy
i heard stories that's interesting
i learn new things
i am free from all dramas and politics for a couple of hours
i experience freedom
i let myself loose
i push myself to a point that i never did
i embarassed myself in front of my friends and is not ashamed of it, instead we all laugh about it
i became who i am infront of them though they are all still new to me
i feel GREAT!!!
and i am laughing and smiling all the way to sleep right now
chaoz!~ nitez!