a late resolution, but that's alright.

isolation and stuff. it happened and it's all over. new year. new hairstyle (lovin' every bit of it despite whatever people say). i can hear the constant tong tong chiang everywhere, shopping malls, morning markets, literally everywhere. that marks the very festival that's definitely looking forward too. know why? simple. because of the yee sang, the ba kua, the oranges, the house visiting, the family gatherings, the nga ku and many many more. though the melody of 'xing nian lai lo' gives me the headache sometimes but i'll bear with it to trade with all of that:)

few more months and another year older. celebrations. tears. laughter. every single one of it is something that is inevitable in life. just the other day, negative thoughts run through the very mind of mine. so many things that still baffles me and so many things that i could not answer. many roads to take, some to joy, some to heartache. anyone will lose their way, so would i.
new year resolutions? too many for me to list it down here but either ways, they shall be done. ;)

it takes two hands to clap...

they say one should always find one that loves you more than you love him or her. i disagree. it should be one should always love themselves before they even attempt to love another. besides, what kind of relationship works when its just one party playing all the cards? it takes two hands to clap. one way communication ain't gonna make anything work. what's more of an imbalance affection for each other? don't see the point of two person together yet only one throw all the effort and time in when the other just play along. don't understand when only one speaks and the other just listen. at the beginning, it might seem like its compromising, tolerance. yes indeed, compromising and tolerance but a continuous one sided party relationship? will only drain the very energy of that person. sooner or later, even if its meant to be it will only become a waste of effort and time.

don't miss a person that is not around. miss them when they are around and let them know.
why regret when everything is gone? why cry when at the first place there is no need for tears?
it's amazing. people always say and post the whole "appreciate those around you" up everywhere yet...people tend to let the one person that is important to them slip by.

practice what you preach. don't let anyone slip by. good things don't come twice in life, what's more the one person that you know is important in your life. opportunities don't come by just like that. happiness, warmth and all is not own just by you standing there. action speaks louder than words.

m only human...

tough?
yes
but fragility exist too
strong yet vulnerable
humorous?
definitely but limit exist
there are times when i breakdown too
there are times when i shatter into pieces too
there are times when i need a shoulder to cry on
there are times when i need someone to be all ears too
i am only human after all...

i'm a sinner...

i admit
i have greed
i wish for a lot of things and still wishing
vanity is definitely one of them
because i am narcissistic
enough said
jealousy
never knew how it felt
until lately
sloth
ahhh...who don't
anger
hatred
there's just no path that i could express

still think that ignorance is bliss
and silence is golden
but never had i ever imagine that this would eventually lead the wrong way
words are harsh
but they are only meant to be harsh
when i want them to
other times?
they are meant for jokes

silence
doesn't mean that i don't care
silence
doesn't represent ignorance
silence
is sometimes
meant to happen

and
now
this moment
this whole post
reinforces that i am indeed a failure
when it comes to self expression
because i am just the way i am
don't question
don't doubt
don't ponder
because this is me

i wish...

spent a couple of hours reading all the older posts wrote.

lots of nostalgic moments; rants and joy. stories of people of all kind.

ahhh those were the days.

then i navigate to peeps' blogs and spend another couple of hours reading their older posts and latest ones as well.

people are not what you see on the surface.

when i read through all the posts, i wish that i could actually do or say something that could make them feel better.

hypocrisy experienced first hand

people said...supposingly
the older you are
the wiser you get
nahh!~
seen nothing like this so far

everything seen and heard
are plain hypocrisy
just when i thought
extra credits given to people
dissapointment constantly flushes in

someone claim to be a friend
but when something happen
you are all to be blame
be it accusations or not
in my case
definitely accusations

someone claim to be mature enough
to handle stuff
but when chaos take its place in life
the person fleed
and the place to rant?
social networking sites
i see this
no where near maturity

someone claim to be sensible enough
to be able to differentiate
what's right and wrong
but when emotions take place
you are to be blame
be it you have the right or not
if you're standing in my shoes
i have the right

someone claim that the truth is known
so well known that nothing
no one in any right position
could shake the principle that's hold on to
but right now
all that is seen and heard
are all denials
cowardy that leads to denials
the whole ideology of having the fear of being a bad person
leads to ignorance
be it guilty or innocence
you are to be blame
in my case
i am no where near innocence or guilt
just plain jaded

never have i seen myself as being perfect
never have judgement cross my mind
never have emotions own a place in me
never have i expect anything from anyone at anytime or any place

people often mistaken silence as being emo, as anger
what they fail to see
is the real reason behind the silence
what they fail to know
is the real person behind all the silence

like i said
don't judge
don't assume anything
don't predict anything
don't think or claim that you know me well enough
for all these assumptions and predictions and thoughts and ideas and judgement of who i am, what i am, what i think, what i feel to take place
because no one is ever near the word "understand"

hanging by a moment....

desperate for changing
starving for truth
i'm closer to where i started
chasing after you
i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go all i've hold onto
i'm standing here until you make me move
i'm hanging by a moment here with you

forgetting all that i'm lacking
completely incomplete
i'll take your invitation
you take all of me now

i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go al i've hold onto
i'm standing here until you make me move
i'm hanging by a moment here with you
i'm living for the only thing i know
i' running and not quite sure where to go
and i don't know what i'm diving into
just hanging by a moment here with you

-enough said!~~