clueless

the usual self would always have ideas of what to come up with for assignments every now and then. this time around, inspiration is badly needed. been calling it for quite some time but it never did show up.
just like many other things. how sad it is ehh?
for the very first time, empty; that very brain of mine. that little box that once fill with a whole bunch of ideas is now nothing. a hollow beneath.
emptiness. that's what it is these days. thought i knew most of it but come to think of it, i am as clueless as a new born baby. so i thought the other party knew most of it too, but sometimes it's just real sad when you know that's not the truth. and from there, i move on- not even feeling anything.
yes, i am a cold, heartless bitch. i feel no anger. i feel no hatred. i feel no sadness. i feel no pain. and so a cold, heartless one i will continue to be. because that's what i am assume to be. so sue me.

a lifetime dilemma

how can one really love and hate the other at the same time.
doubting myself over and over again.
never knew the right answer to any of my own doings.
how can one be so annoyed by the other.
how can one tries so hard to avoid the other over and over again.
how can grudges be in one's mind.
when all that was proclaimed was what they call love.
how can one be irritated by the very sound of the other.
could not even stand the sight of the other.
its' just a phase they say.
but what if it's not.
regrets is not the preferred path but what if that's the only choice left.
no one wants to put an ending to a story but what is there to do when its a dead end.
not all fairytale ends with a happy ending, does it?

First attempt : Confession of a pathetic inexpressive brat

so unpredictable things are these days. lead life like there's no tomorrow they say.
true indeed.

classes started. acts of skipping classes are sure to be found. not exactly the best student around but there is a limit that i know of so scrape that off.
a little different this time around. first few weeks of classes ; i usually bring the clueless and absent minded me along. this time, still blur at times but at least i'm not clueless. so that's a good start for the semester, i suppose.
disasters in Japan is the current talk of the town. unpredictable, very unpredictable. so random that it makes people think and agree more on the whole ideology of living life to the fullest.
one minute you're enjoying the usual morning coffee, the very next you maybe lying on the floor; unconscious.
that might be me there. not being morbid, but that's the truth. i live the very moment of life know, blogging. will i survive the next moment - who knows?
anyways, skip that shall we?

death. tragedy. tears. lost. how much can one actually take in anyway?
i may not know how it truly feels but losing something so precious, that's definitely a heartache.
materials can be replaced but the thing that is truly valuable and irreplaceable is that very person. this i dare to say; i know, been there, still feeling the pain, trying to recover. there are still tears every now and then. hanging on i am. i did my mistakes, that i will admit. i'll brush off every single inch of ego that i have inside of me and say it out loud. i did mistakes, i admit em' and its taking a toll on me. nonetheless, as much as those tears makes me feel alright for a moment in time, i will no longer ponder about it. self comfort it is, but it's the price to pay.

devastated. disappointment. disagreement. anger. they are all numb now. expectations. hopes. they are no longer around. these days, things are so vague. that very stab through that i feel every now and then, i had never felt so real before until that day. would not push no more. would not ask no more. i don't even have the guts to demand, what more ask. would not hope no more because i'll always end up in a sigh. how can one actually love and hate another at the same time?
at this point, i don't even know what i want anymore nor do i know what i need anymore.

funny huh? the once super optimistic person is actually pouring all of these here. this might be the very last post (if anyone reads anyway). my very first attempt to be so personal here but heyy, since it's my blog and this might be the very last emo one, so why not?

to start anew i will. so the very next time, there might be a new link, maybe not. yess, i'm fickle minded when it comes to this so bear with me :)

gonna move on. focus focus focus. studies, assignments, things that i wanna do and learn, i shall do it, if time and money allow me to ;) *gotta be a little realistic under certain circumstances* i'll live life to the fullest. i'll lead life like there's no tomorrow; because life is just too short. so yup, that's it. till' then, chaoz :D

life's irony

a photographer can capture the best moments of others
a painter can paint the most beautiful image of others
a singer can serenade the sweetest song to others
an actor can play the best roles of others
a poet can write the most wonderful poem about others
what about themselves?