this time around

now that i am back here, i wonder if there is any reader at all for this blog of mine?
oh well, i abandoned it a while ago and now i have return. for long, i hope.

anyways, living the mundane life of a student, i do nothing but study, study, assignments, and datelines. nothing special.

nonetheless, as life play its role in the cycle. several bad news struck. still difficult for me to digest, but i know no one suffer more than anyone else but those involved. (i hope that makes sense)
what other way to comfort the other than to be just there. not to speak, not to blabber anything but just be there. as a friend, as a stranger. i wish that i am able to say more, to comfort more but things are beyond my control as the one involved is the one and only one to control all that's within.
all i can do. i wish and hope for the best and that time be quick enough to heal the wound within. let there be scar but at least a beautiful scar that carries thousands of beautiful memories to remember by. but not as an incident of regrets and sorrow.

and from there, my life continues from classes to the present holidays. all that had happened before, i let go. let everything be wipe out and start anew. it may be different every now and then but one thing for sure, the past is bygone.

i fear no more of rumours. i think no more of others' judgment. i feel no more of unnecessary emotions that swirl inside of me.

i wanna live life the way i want it to be. may not be to the fullest yet. but definitely the way i want it to be.
i wanna go for swimming classes, drum classes, join the gym, hangs out with my friends. the dearest of mine. so be it.

this is my life and this is how it's gonna be. :)

From Within

the more conversation, the more misunderstanding. the more trust, the more lies i discover. the more hope, the more disappointment.
i am done talking. done explaining. done voicing out all my dissatisfaction or when i'm being upset.
because despite the many times of attempt, it always end up being useless.
never had i understand u, so why try so hard now?

Smasshiinng 21!~

had a wonderful 21 celebration. was smacking delicious with the uber cute buttons cupcakes around and a total wonderland with all the decorations; cute lil' ribbons around the chairs, dreamy trees with butterflies and cute lil'' lollies trees. credits given to my sister, she made all this possible :)
could not thank my families and friends for the awesome celebration, amazing surprises and great gifts:)
grateful and blessed, could and would not ask for more.
i had a real good time,my 21 is truly special and memorable <3

*more pictures on fb;)*

Blackhole

infidelity comes in various form- its not solely on physicality. sad but true, not all of us know that. it may seem harmless but its definitely not at times. trust; it's hard to earn in return once its broken. despite the many attempts, all attempts are just plain useless. 'there are no secrets between anyone'- this is utter bullshit. soulmate? not a believer. spending the rest of your life with someone? in my naive days, perhaps. past tense that was.

ignorance. silent treatment. mood swings. couldn't be bother, do whatever you like attitude. lies. that's when you know the he or she has lost the confidence, what more of trust. so stop trying so hard.

Journey down north

2 months and 2 trips
both down north
different destination though
awesome trips they were
truly fun
my semester break was truly enjoyable and it's all thanks to peeps of the above :)
next up...all gear up for classes and assignments.
before heading to another awesome mawesome trip
looking forward to that :)

Lil' Shawn All Grown Up

all grown up
still cheeky
as mischievous as ever
and still lovable ~ :)

Endless Love~

(source:jamiecollyer.wordpress.com)

(source:jamiecollyer.wordpress.com)

(source:lifestyle.malaysia.msn.com)

walked into a total stranger's life
and stories spill
while my ears were listening to her
my mind went on a trip
~~~~~~
thoughts and images come and go like a film in play
a mother's love knows no boundaries
a mother's sacrifice knows no limitations
a mother's worry knows no ending
aren't we too quick to judge
when we all thought she will be alright
just from her outlook
the tough, non-fragile look that she put up everyday

even your darkest day she would stand side-by-side
even the scariest moment in life
she would stood so high with all the courage
just to back u up
even the saddest second in life
when ur tears just could not stop flowing
you know that you could run to her and pour your heart out
despite all that we know
we took advantage and pledge ignorance towards what she feels or thinks
yet silence fills her mind
she complain nothing
whine about nothing

a mother's love indeed knows no boundaries
this is not written in occasion with mother's day
everyday shall be mother's day to all mums out there
and for this, this particular post
is for u
the iron lady at home :)
~~~~~

Rumor Has It- Adele

Another awesome piece by Adele~
Huge thank u to Justin for recommending this song :)

Rolling in the Deep- Adele

(source: youtube)

There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark,

Finally, I can see you crystal clear,
Go ahead and sell me out and a I'll lay your ship bare,
See how I'll leave with every piece of you,
Don't underestimate the things that I will do,

There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark,

The scars of your love remind me of us,
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all,
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,
I can't help feeling,

We could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
Rolling in the deep,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
You had my heart inside your hand,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
And you played it to the beat,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),

Baby, I have no story to be told,
But I've heard one on you and I'm gonna make your head burn,
Think of me in the depths of your despair,
Make a home down there as mine sure won't be shared,

The scars of your love remind me of us,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
I can't help feeling,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),

We could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
Rolling in the deep,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
You had my heart inside your hand,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),

And you played it to the beat,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),

Could have had it all,
Rolling in the deep,
You had my heart inside your hand,
But you played it with a beating,

Throw your soul through every open door,
Count your blessings to find what you look for,
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold,
You'll pay me back in kind and reap just what you've sown,

(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
We could have had it all,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
We could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
It all, it all, it all,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),

We could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
Rolling in the deep,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
You had my heart inside your hand,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
And you played it to the beat,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),

Could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
Rolling in the deep,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
You had my heart inside your hand,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),

But you played it,
You played it,
You played it,
You played it to the beat.
(source: metrolyrics.com)

Lyrics is heartbreaking alright but the rhythm and beat are just seexxaayy~
Nice one :)
P/S: try John Legend's take on it:D
til' then, chaoz~~

And its spell N.E.W

dread no more. (yessss i WAS still dreading)
ponder no more; ponder why, ponder what, ponder how...it keeps on coming back but NO MORE.
its call Moving On. perhaps there were times when i still wonder and still try to figure out what happened. why it happened. how it happened. For now, it shall all go shhhooo shooo away;) This shall be a 'New' blog that contains New posts. New way of posting, new manner of self-expression (i hope. yikess!~) and yesss, lotsa new pics (now that I am constantly hanging around with G12- the new cam though its not a DSLR but ahhh, could not care much :) so here goes, one of the personal favs to start the new beginning with ;) enjoy~

halfheartedly

I decided. I will not fight no more. Strive no more. Things would not be as it was. Determine, when the time comes, I'll move on.

abscence of mind

some people give you warmth
some people give you courage
some give you the tenderness of love
some give you the support of a lifetime
some give you the all-time laughter
some bring tears of happiness
but what happens when all you do is receive and not give any?

tired of trying. tired of listening. tired of explaining. halfheartedly, bits by bits, my presence vanish.

Attempt #2: Confessions of a loser in the making

assignments suck this semester. the easier it gets, the higher the expectation. this time, it sucks to the max. everything don't seem to go on smoothly. software expired, things left pending. urrrgghh!~ now i wish all these softwares are ready installed in order for me to finish my work.

nothing seems to be going on smoothly anyways. so easily given up on, that shows how much it is worth. guess i would just need to move on bit by bit.
assumed i could hold on but looks like i failed. what is the point anyway? didn't really matter since the beginning. don't make any difference. self comfort since the beginning. doubting here and there every now and then. don't seem to have a full stop to this, do we?
trap in the middle. uncertain of what i want.

those that they never told

when you see things that brings a stab
do you close an eye
when you hear things that upsets u
do you turn on a deaf ear

machines we all are. an auto button that is set every now and then for adaptation purpose. so mechanical that Science might be able to explain the scene behind all these once in a while but at times, even Mr.Genius could not get an answer. one little step back from the present, a wider view.
magnificent creatures we all are. one minute, so close. the other, so close yet so far. the very next minute and the rest of the many days, so far away. emotions change every now and then.
witty ones we all are. able to set a distant line between the right and the wrong. funny how we still choose to create and acknowledge that very fine line between the good and the bad. and our stand shift.

they say there is no black and white in life. only grey.

sneak peek

a couple of images that will be included in my next assignment. Digital storytelling it is. a video in the making. no idea what it is. no worries, stay tune and it will be posted up once its done ;)

clueless

the usual self would always have ideas of what to come up with for assignments every now and then. this time around, inspiration is badly needed. been calling it for quite some time but it never did show up.
just like many other things. how sad it is ehh?
for the very first time, empty; that very brain of mine. that little box that once fill with a whole bunch of ideas is now nothing. a hollow beneath.
emptiness. that's what it is these days. thought i knew most of it but come to think of it, i am as clueless as a new born baby. so i thought the other party knew most of it too, but sometimes it's just real sad when you know that's not the truth. and from there, i move on- not even feeling anything.
yes, i am a cold, heartless bitch. i feel no anger. i feel no hatred. i feel no sadness. i feel no pain. and so a cold, heartless one i will continue to be. because that's what i am assume to be. so sue me.

a lifetime dilemma

how can one really love and hate the other at the same time.
doubting myself over and over again.
never knew the right answer to any of my own doings.
how can one be so annoyed by the other.
how can one tries so hard to avoid the other over and over again.
how can grudges be in one's mind.
when all that was proclaimed was what they call love.
how can one be irritated by the very sound of the other.
could not even stand the sight of the other.
its' just a phase they say.
but what if it's not.
regrets is not the preferred path but what if that's the only choice left.
no one wants to put an ending to a story but what is there to do when its a dead end.
not all fairytale ends with a happy ending, does it?

First attempt : Confession of a pathetic inexpressive brat

so unpredictable things are these days. lead life like there's no tomorrow they say.
true indeed.

classes started. acts of skipping classes are sure to be found. not exactly the best student around but there is a limit that i know of so scrape that off.
a little different this time around. first few weeks of classes ; i usually bring the clueless and absent minded me along. this time, still blur at times but at least i'm not clueless. so that's a good start for the semester, i suppose.
disasters in Japan is the current talk of the town. unpredictable, very unpredictable. so random that it makes people think and agree more on the whole ideology of living life to the fullest.
one minute you're enjoying the usual morning coffee, the very next you maybe lying on the floor; unconscious.
that might be me there. not being morbid, but that's the truth. i live the very moment of life know, blogging. will i survive the next moment - who knows?
anyways, skip that shall we?

death. tragedy. tears. lost. how much can one actually take in anyway?
i may not know how it truly feels but losing something so precious, that's definitely a heartache.
materials can be replaced but the thing that is truly valuable and irreplaceable is that very person. this i dare to say; i know, been there, still feeling the pain, trying to recover. there are still tears every now and then. hanging on i am. i did my mistakes, that i will admit. i'll brush off every single inch of ego that i have inside of me and say it out loud. i did mistakes, i admit em' and its taking a toll on me. nonetheless, as much as those tears makes me feel alright for a moment in time, i will no longer ponder about it. self comfort it is, but it's the price to pay.

devastated. disappointment. disagreement. anger. they are all numb now. expectations. hopes. they are no longer around. these days, things are so vague. that very stab through that i feel every now and then, i had never felt so real before until that day. would not push no more. would not ask no more. i don't even have the guts to demand, what more ask. would not hope no more because i'll always end up in a sigh. how can one actually love and hate another at the same time?
at this point, i don't even know what i want anymore nor do i know what i need anymore.

funny huh? the once super optimistic person is actually pouring all of these here. this might be the very last post (if anyone reads anyway). my very first attempt to be so personal here but heyy, since it's my blog and this might be the very last emo one, so why not?

to start anew i will. so the very next time, there might be a new link, maybe not. yess, i'm fickle minded when it comes to this so bear with me :)

gonna move on. focus focus focus. studies, assignments, things that i wanna do and learn, i shall do it, if time and money allow me to ;) *gotta be a little realistic under certain circumstances* i'll live life to the fullest. i'll lead life like there's no tomorrow; because life is just too short. so yup, that's it. till' then, chaoz :D

life's irony

a photographer can capture the best moments of others
a painter can paint the most beautiful image of others
a singer can serenade the sweetest song to others
an actor can play the best roles of others
a poet can write the most wonderful poem about others
what about themselves?

don't dream it, be it.

an open box. a pile of stuff. an act of reminiscing

a couple more days and it is the beginning of a new month. new semester commence. sucky and confusing timetable as usual. i'll live with that.
was a whirlwind before this. mistakes, i made them. i learned and still learning. not afraid to admit em' because it was indeed a mistake.
chinese new year came and go in a wink of an eye. excitement and thrills are all still fresh in my head at the moment. laughter and tears - they come and go just like the new year.
ponder about a couple things. loitering around in the very mind of mine. on and on, it repeat itself like a movie well played.
things that are not mine, i ask no more. things that looks like mine from the surface, i accept them with gratitude. others, i dare not and would not ask for more. for asking, i realized; brings nothing but devastation and disappointment to others and i would end up in guilt.

memories. so priceless, each and everyone of them. irreplaceable. and indeed it will be cherished at every moment. once in a while, that very special box will be open. even the tiniest bit of memory will be looked at over and over again. i miss em' and i'm glad i did.

En' route of life

William Shakespeare was and still is indeed a genius.
A little morbid at times but enough to make a heart melt.
And he once quoted "any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex- it takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction"~
Unfortunately not all of us would grasp the whole idea and actually practice it.
Easier said than done indeed.
Excuses, we all make them.
A route to escape from reality.

Materials are all we are.
Kings and Queens of superficial we are.
So caught up in the world of blings that we lost the very warmth of human touch.
Time waits for no man.
A gap that will never be fill up.
A distance that could never be pull closer.
So caught up in the real world of me and only me.
We all lost the tenderness of mankind.

What difference does it make?
Ten years is a little too long.
A year itself is sufficient enough to tell the nature of a man.
They say we all stand together as one.
Perhaps it's true.
Sadly, in my case, it's not.

While Michael Jackson's song 'You Are Not Alone" plays at the very ear of mine.
Turned my head around and I see
Alas, I'm a loner.
It's still a one man's world.

drrrooolllssss~~

yess i live for them

by them
because of them
what can you ask for other than the ever delicious food all over!!~
~~~~~~

all these were taken from the trip to Japan
lotsa lotsa pictures from the trip
so we'll start from the food
since its the easiest and most captivating
on top of that, lesser pics to download ;)

Caution : They will make you drooooooooooooooolllll~~~~

*****************************************************************************

This is taken on the airplane on our way back
May look like a simple meal
But they taste real good

This gigantic gyoza was eaten at a famous Chinese restaurant
Yesss Chinese, not Japanese
At Ginza, nearby the hotel that we stayed

This is how you usually order your food there
Go to this machine here
Choose your food, pay and food will be serve in no time ;)

wahhlaa!~ this is errr...some dried ramen that sis ordered

ahhh, this..the simple ramen
the one that has the meat, egg and a couple of dumplings with it
yummmyyy yum yum this one !~

dumpling dumpling...
Japan sttyyle!~ ;)

Close-up on the ramen earlier

Fruuiiitts~

stir fried bean sprouts or what we call 'taugeh'
with minced meat
this is super delicious together with a plain porridge itself
so you can imagine it by itself ;)
This we had in Harajuku at a famous gyoza place behind the streets

cakes!! one of my personal favourite
this is specially baked by sis's friend, Kok Leong bro who studied bakery there
mann, even by looking a it
i'm missing the taste already

see this guy here

this is made by him
tako-yaki!
this if I'm not mistaken
Is found at Nippon-ri
but i might be wrong so gotta check up on it

ini soba, served with tempura
soba is only served during summer
because it's cold noodles, so winter takda

mini sandwiches
u can find this almost in every 7-11 or coffee shops there
best as breakfast or supper ;)

jelly drink from Disneyland
cost a bomb this one here
and bro finish all up with just one slurp!

salty vanilla ice-cream
also from Disneyland
sis was super happy because it came with a heartshape case
pink on top of that! --"

lunch at Disneyland
spaghetti, pizza,..u name it

Harajuku is where u can find this
creamy thick strawberry ice-cream
that has Hello Kitty waffles and flakes together

Also at Harajuku, behind the streets
Beside the famous gyoza place
we had our lunch
~~~
fried prawns with mayo

nasi goreng indonesia...i think ;p

here we call it cheng teng mee
this is the Japanese version

pan-fried gyoza

steam gyoza
both at the famous gyoza place in Harajuku
and its no wonder that they are famous
because it was reeeaalll good
we couldn't stop ordering
even went back there the next day to had another round :D

another personal favourite
cold noodles mix with all the ingredients that u can see

chicken katsu don
see the beans at the bottom right corner
super yummy...i couldn't stop eating that
and mum loves this soo much
that we went back to the restaurant 3 times

errr...this is some soy bean sauce meat, egg and rice
again, the beeeeaannnss!~
this was all from the restaurant nearby the subway station at Ginza
that's where we stayed, hence the reason why we can go there as much as we wanted to

the collection that was suppose to be brought back
had the whole set of the Starbucks
but there wasn't enough space for them
so had to leave them there
every 7-11 there sells Starbucks in that package
and they have different flavors too
and I wish, we have them here

waffles!!
nice but super expensive

this is an example of our supper there
practically every night we have our supper there
Three 7-11 stores were right in front of our hotel
so how can we miss the chance of eating different stuff everyday
and the things that they sell
fuuhh..i tell you
from sandwiches, to salads
to noodles set, to rice set, sushi, jelly
whatever it is, you name it
you'll have it

How can this be forgotten
McDonald's ~~
Above : Chicken sandwich burger (we don't have it here)
and their McFlurry
Left: Oreo
Right : Strawberry (don't have it here as well)

Again, Frrruuuiitts!
the grapes taste like champagne
mum was devastated when she could not bring them back

ahh this...shabu shabu
gotta try this

the eat-all-u-can beef and pork meat

two type of soup
clear ones
and the sweet sauce some sort

various type of sauces to dip the meat with
meat that were cook at the sweet sauce soup and dip in the raw egg were...
IIREESSISSTIIBBBLLEE!!~
this restaurant is at Ginza too.
but I have no idea the exact place
it's called Nabezo so keep an eye on the signboards hung on the lookout ;)

The very first meal we had in Japan
the one where we went in super early
shop wasn't open but we weren't aware..loL!~
chicken curry katsu don..and this was like a meal of greeting from Japan :D

Pork and minced meat some sort rice
this was delicious too :)
this was the first sign that we found
Japanese food there
may look simple but they are super delicious
trust me on that ;D

beverages that were served on the airplane
traditional Japanese beer and white wine

welcome to Japan!~ i suppose
food served on the airplane itself is...one word
YYUUMMY~
******************************************
even by posting itself
I am drooling all over
makes me feel all hungry all over again
food was amazing there
mann, now I want to go back there again.
till' then
chaoz :)